Healing after Cheating and Narcissism

|2012-01-03 02:30:13 glasgow guy - mr

If your financially entangled with a Narcissist they will screw you un-mercifully during the split! You need to come out fighting, but it's not as hard as it sounds, these people are emotional idiots, Read up on "manipulating the narcissist" . It's important to note here, you are not stooping to their level, you are only fighting for your emotional and financial survival against someone who betrayed your trust and love. During the split and during the financial negotiations flood them with narcissitic supply, it's easy, (and for us victims, let's be honest, we done it the whole relationship), just keep telling them how beautiful, clever, wonderfull bla bla bla, etc etc. It makes things so much easier, and you might just come out of it with a fair deal.
It worked for me, and there was the added bonus, that at the end (after years of betrayal and false promises), I was the one who was in control! As for me now, I'm strong and I'm not bitter, and I'm going to give my love to someone who deserves it! I'll also keep my tattoo as a reminder of my (as if I need it)
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|2011-12-20 02:55:47 Latrece Young - Healing after 8 year marriage, that was full of li

Today as i sit here and read all the post, i can relate to all the awful mistreatment by a spouse/girlfriend or boyfriend. I will give a summazation of my marriage as well as the last year of my life. i would like to say that this person was to good to be true single with no kids, great job. wow I thought i scored, however their were red flags from the begining. There were dissappearing acts that lasted for three weeks, not phoning or coming over when he said he would. i broke it off immediately, however i allowed the person to cry crocdile tears and I gave him another chance. after two years of dating we married. we had two children between the both of us and I had a daughter from a previous relationship. The cheating beginned the second year of our marriage immediately, he was busted in a sting operation for soloictating a prostitute we seperate for a year, while we both attended counseling. i took him back with reservation that this was his first time, even though I knew it was not. The cheating resumed again, this time with ex girlfriends, again we broke up but soon after i find out I was pregnant to make a long story short. four years later he treated my daughter from previous relationship horribly, i found a ladies compact under my bed and that was my breaking point. I asked him to leave and soon afterwards i filed for divorce. i have dealt with so many put downs and his comparing me to other women, oh yea and btw that exgirlfriend that i spk with earlier that's the one who hes with now. Oh well i guess she got the prize and I got my sanity. Please understand this is for anyone who thinks that going back with these type of people DONT; THEIR BEHAVIOR AND ABUSE OF U GETS WORSE IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER. I am healing everyday I wish I can say I have no contact, but we do communicate for our children sake. It is a constant choice for me to wake up in the morning and tell myself i do matter and I deserve better. i pray that my experience and all others who have posted experience reach at least one person. i thank god for this web site. It has difinately saved my life. Prayers for all that you heal from the mental abuse, deceit and betrayel. I pray that we all find love in ourself and happiness.
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|2011-11-11 03:41:40 Marcha Juett - Narcissistic Spousee

After many months and many thousands of dollars spent in trying to cooperate with an impending divorce with my narcissistic husband, I find myself at the complete mercy of the attornies and my mentally deranged husband.

Nothing, absolutely nothing satisfies my spouse. Me and my attorney marvel at how "insane" this process has been. There continues to be no rules. It is constant hell. When I give in, he rages. When I fight, he rages. He rages in front of anyone and everyone. Nothing satisfies him. There are no boundaries.

Most of the time I feel that there is no hope at all of being free from this insanity! I pray daily for my husband's freedom from his own personal hell and I pray for my release from this most terrible form of insanity.

Our relationship is so dangerous that I had to physcially leave our marital home, which of course, has caused my spouse to "blame" me. He takes no responsibility for his own actions with his verbal, mental, emotional, physcial and financial abuse of me. He is ALWAYS the victim.

My counselor cautions me to be very careful and never let my guard down. My safety is continuosly at stake. It is so hard to believe that I actually married the devil.

I cannot wait until the divoce is final and I can move away from the hell that this man has put me through. Most of all I am looking forward to having "normal" friendships again and being a friend, maybe a wife again. This time without a narcissistic spouse.

My heart goes out to anyone involved with a narcissist! I know exactly the hell you are going through. Get out and save your sanity. Rebuild your life. Get counseling. Go to Church. Be safe!
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|2011-11-22 03:53:03 Jon - Narcissistic Wife

After almost 7 years of marriage I have come to the conclusion my wife is narcissistic. The first couple of years were ok. Then there would be the out breaks of total random craziness. For many years I knew something was off about her. I just couldn't put a name on it. Thanks to a book dealing with a cheating wife, I have discovered, to my horror and relief, what the heck is going on with my wife. I suspect her of cheating, having confronted her, she denied it of course but the signs are there. I just hope i can get out of this as unscathed as possible. I would like to have a normal life with a normal loving woman and end the nightmare I have lived for the past 4 years.
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|2012-01-14 22:27:43 DB-24 years with a narcissist! - To Marcha

I cried when I read your post because I am jealous that you were able to get away from your narcissistic spouse. I stay with my husband and "followed all his rules" for 24 years, just waiting until I could escape him. Once the last child was in his second year of college and settled, I planned my escape. I left with the help of my friends while he was on a business trip. I got an apartment, bought furniture and was seeing an amazing therapist for my codependency disorder. But my husband hunted me down. Told friends and family that I had a boyfriend (of course that is the only way I could leave him, lol) and that I was cruel, vicious and vindictive for leaving him. He told them that I was taking all that he earned his whole life and wiping him out financial with a divorce (even though I am a college educated person who taught for 27 years). Long story short, I lost my strength and will to fight him anymore. I didn't want to go back to him but he made it miserable to stay away. I was only gone for two month when just two weeks before Christmas I laid down on the floor of my apartment and swallowed 100 extra strength tylenol capsules and a box of sleeping pills. I would rather die than go back to his abuse. My poor 21 year son found me on the floor and the ambulance took me to the hospital where I stayed for a week. In the hospital he blocked all visitors; never called my family; and blamed my therapist and girlfriends for putting "notions of leaving him" into my head.
The doctors at the hospital wanted to treat me for depression, but I kept telling them that I was not depressed; I just want to be free from my husband and he will not leave me alone. I was so happy being away from him. My mistake was that I did what my therapist told me not to do and that was answer his endless phone calls. That did me in.
He mocked me, raged at me, blamed me, told me that I ruined my family, left my children, walked away from 24 years of a wonderful marriage (in his eyes), threw away all that he worked for etc, etc, ect...... I broke. He brought me home from the hospital so I am back at our house with him. He was kind for only 2 weeks and then the rage began again. I bought closet doors for one of the bedrooms with out asking permission and it set him off. It was worst than ever. How dare I spend $200.00 without consulting him! Of course, might I say that I make $75,000 a year.
I am in survival mode now. I gave up the apartment and the furniture is in the garage. I do what I can just to "keep the peace" "don't get him mad" "do what ever I have to do to survive". Yet, I still fantasize about my escape. I will never try to take my life again... But I will admit my mind tells me that if I just stop eating food, eventually I will die and people will just blamed an eating disorder, not suicide. Then I can be free from him. Its so sad.
I would rather be dead that live like this. I honestly don't know what I did to piss God off that this is the life I had to live.
I admire that you had the strength to leave and see it through. Maybe, someday, I will be free too.
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|2011-11-07 10:39:07 Mika - To Willie

Willie, I think your post is very honest and brave. It takes a lot of courage to admit to one's own selfishness and face them. This is the first step to change. And to have the willingness to work o them. I think honesty and courage are the two things you need to change. Support is another. Try to find groups that will help you live healthy, honest life. There are others out there who have done the same mistakes, lost everything, and succeeded in making a better life for themselves. There is understanding for you out there. Not pity, no excuses, but understanding.

Also, as a victim, it is healing for me to read your post, because it is not blaming anyone else, and there is not much self-pity in it. Best of luck.
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|2011-10-24 21:46:49 Heaven's Messenger 777 - 2 Yrs into a Relationship with a Narcissist/Sociop

I met this woman over 2 yrs ago in August 2009. She was living with an elderly man who was sick and taking care of him when I get a call out of the blue one night that his children were going to kill her. I arranged the next day to move her into my appartment (end of November 2009).

Everything seemed to be going well then in May 2010, she decides to get involved with an old boyfriend who mistreated her years ago. She finally admits the affair in Nov 2010 crying and upset. We roll along until September 2011 when she moves out and in with him.

I had not seen her in a month and a dear friend of mine and I were talking about this woman and she told me that this woman was a Narcissist / Sociopath. She gave me some information to read and I did. Am I ever glad she did.

This Narcissist/Sociopath had her hooks into me good. I suffered emotionally, mentally, physically and verbally from this woman. She feeds off dopamine (a chemical that her body produces) when she is not taking her medications (Adderall for ADHD, Xanax, Ambien, Lexipro and a few other meds).

This morning, after 2 hours of conversation last night and 2 more hours of reading material from this site and other websites, I feel a change in my armor and my tenacity to no longer be a victim in this.

Although I will always love this Narcissist/Sociopath, I cannot sustain a relationship with her. She lies, has found another source of energy from which to feed from (her old boyfriend), she can't keep any promises she has made, refuses to accept any responsibility for hurting my feelings and ruining me financially. All I can do now is to be remote friends with her. She thinks I'm going to be there when she is done feeding at the trough of the old boyfriend (who is dying from both cancer and a blood disorder).

I am moving on and forward. May Yahweh (God) and His Son Yahshua (Christ) give me the strength I need spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally to move forward and block out her advances in the future toward me. Its really funny how I now know how to recognize that onslaught from her when it occurs and how I have begun to put the walls in place to protect and deflect from her advances.
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|2011-10-21 19:02:46 Llaura - Going through it!!

I had been with my narcisstic boyfriend RJ for thirteen years. I am now 55 and he's 60!! We never got married, he said because every woman he'd spent time with always revealed herself in a negative way that made him glad he never tied the knot. Well, I too, thought he was the man of my dreams but he ended up being Freddy Kruger on Crack!! In the beginning he was charming, attentive, loving, kind. I referred to him as my knight in shinning armour. Within a year, I suspected he was cheating. His deameanor changed, he was quiet, secretive about most things. When I would catch him in lies, he would become irate, yelling and telling me I was insecure, but I later found out he was cheating. The second woman, they had been together for two years before I even suspected. She was just as surprised to find out about me, she was smart and left him, I decided to stay. He would never apologize or show any remorse for his actions, never admitting that what he was doing was wrong. Then there were two other women, he was seeing all three of us at the same time. Finally, he left me for a woman at least 25 years younger than me. He told me everything was my fault, HE couldn't take it anymore, HE was unhappy, HE felt there was no reason why HE should have to go through the problems we were having (which stemmed from him cheating). I feel hurt, humilated, and rejected. I knew better and yet, I made a choice to stay. I went through abuse (emotional and sexual) as a child and I am learning to understand why I stayed, for me right now it is not so much what he did but why did I allow it. I was totally faithful and loyal to him throughout the relationship. The years I wasted!!! My prayer is that God have mercy and restore unto me my self-esteem, self-confidence, and my self-worth.
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|2011-10-14 19:20:19 M - Silent Type

GF and I met and seemed to hit it off quite well at first. Then I noticed her mood becoming more and more silent. She is a recovering alcoholic so she has/had issues. She had a BF just as we began seeing one another so it wasn't a great surprise to see her in a funk once in awhile, however the guy wouldn't stop calling, texting etc. He even came by the house with a love note and thought maybe I would vanish or something.
One night a friend brought his daughter by and we were talking in the kitchen, the little girl asked "Is he (Me) your BF? She looked at the friend and stated "NO!". I waited until they left and commenced to download on her. A few weeks later another friend was in the hospital and we went to visit her, she made an abrupt statement that she needed to tell me something. So the gf left and this friend tells me that a couple of months earlier while I was in Las Vegas my so called GF slept with the former BF. When I got home that night I confronted her with the details I had been told. She simply said she tought I should leave and that was it! A couple of days later I packed without a word and left. It's been 6 months and not a peep, no sightings, no calls, no texts, zip. I'm gratful I'm outta that night mare. FYI, look for signs of silence, they are so engrossed in themselves it's not funny. She had all the signs of narcissist behavior. Good luck
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|2011-10-12 08:46:30 Damien - My ex

Up until a month ago me and my girlfriend were great. I went to a friend's wedding and messaged her a picture of their wedding dance and her response was 'Awwwwwwww I wish it was us xxx'. Not long before the break up I told her I try to be a good boyfriend and said 'You succeed xxx'

The following Friday she didn't take a call and then proceeded to barely be contactable for a week. She said she was very busy and some things in life were hitting her hard. I told her we needed to have a chat, fully prepared to work through things, despite feeling ignored.

In that conversation she said she felt she needed to be alone to work on some things, that she wasn't in a place to be in a relationship right now. I told her to do what was right for her, and put her needs first.

The following night we broke up, she said she felt she wasn't the right person for me, but that she still had strong feelings, and that she was sorry.

It took me 6 days to get to grips with things, new questions kept coming up that I needed answers to. On the 6th day we arranged a final call, I said thank you for the time we had, that I recognised and respected her reasons, and wished her well. She said very little.

A few days later I saw some things that she had written about me on a website. She'd written almost entirely negative things, things that were written some time back, before the split. She also wrote that she had been falling for another guy before we broke up, that she'd let him touch her breast, and that the night after we broke up she had a dream about him.

That came as a hammer blow. Until then I hadn't seen her as a perfect person, but I'd been able to trust her, I'd seen her as a person of integrity.

We'd had things to work on, but we'd always worked through them. When I thought of my future she was a part of it. She completed me in a very real way, and now I don't know what to believe. Was any of it real? Did she put on a nice face to me whilst secretly think something very different the whole time? If this was the best I could give a relationship, and it ended this way, will it ever work out for me?

So now I'm trying to piece together two seemingly unfeasible personalities and trying to figure out whether I could ever trust this person. I'm trying to fit together missing the person I love, and wanting them back, with anger and confusion at what they did and who they really are.
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|2011-10-12 05:56:19 Lavina - Call the Terminator

Something is really wrong when someone just lie for their own selfish motive, not only are you acting like a Jerk, have you heard of AIDS you with to the Philippine thinking you were going to be treated special, when I came with a price tag, How Dumb are you, ? What kind of man are you ? are you that mess up were you need to sleep after the thousands of men before you, who has done the the slept with the same women, I feel very sorry for you, Your life is so Empty that you needed to cheat on a woman who Loved you.I sure this not your first time cheating on a woman. You are a walking time Bomb.............Women need to beware of a guys like you, who think is private part is a gift to woman, you kind is surely eating it to, Your Hopeless ! I hope one of them filipino women do what they do best not just opening there leg for ever Jon, but make you fall so hard , for her lines, were your just wide open, and you'll never see it coming, she do to you ,want you, done to every woman that you have ever hurt. Loser............. : (
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|2011-10-12 05:19:23 Willie - I Cheated on my finace

I was working overseas, and starting acting like a jerk, I wasn't nice to her even though she was back at home waiting faithfully for me, I love her, I still Love her. But I get a little money in my pocket and start to act differently toward her, My head got so Big being in all these places were women were catering to men, and didn't know how to turn that male button off, I mess around with women in Dubai, when I went back to the state she found number of women I had been meeting and I denied it of course, I recently planned a 8 day trip to the Philippine on my RR ,that she found out about some kind of way, I lied and told he I had no time left to come to the state, but I told he I wasn't going to go, but end up going any way, she found out again and called the Hotel I was staying at, I begged he not to Leave me after she said she was done with me, I told here I would whatever it took and told her I was going to get out of there, Knowing all alone that I would stay the duration of me trip, I have not called her to say anything, she sent me and email tell me Thank for opening her eyes to the fact that, there was no truth in me, I wanted to do right by her I made a mistake I should I come clean with her, I was full of myself and it cost me my girl, I slept with a couple of girls while in the philippine, Need help should I fight for her are have I cause to much hurt to this woman for her to forgive me ? are should I keep fighting ? Am I just thinking of me?
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