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Maria,
God bless you! Thank you for taking the time to share. I have been in this situation for 13 long years. The very day we were married I seemed to become his enemy. I used to blame myself and continuously jump through the hoops he wanted me to jump through, thinking if I could only do things differently it will work. I have been to several counselors, we have been to 9 months of counseling. They all say something isn't right and I probably shouldn't be with him. Not one picked up on Narcissism or his bpd tendencies.
Long, long story short. I have begun steps to leave almost a year ago. I am at the end of my list and pushing forward even though it is hard and I know it is not good to stay. I am pushing on. I am at the point of looking at houses and got my feet wet by bidding on one. I have made HUGE steps in my eyes and not many understand. My brother whom is a counselor has helped me and my daughters know how stuck I am. NO one else can understand. I always hear "just leave", "you need to leave him now", "I don't understand why you stay if he is so bad, maybe he isn't as bad as you think", "ohhh you just expect too much out of a marriage"... Countless disregarding comments from friends and family. It does no good to try to get help or support from anyone.
I don't give up, I keep reading and pushing forward. I found a great book, THE BETRAYAL BOND BY PATRICK CARNES, it has helped immensely. Your web page was one of the first I stumbled upon 9 months ago and was one of the first stepping stones out of my cave! Thank you. I am almost out and I can feel the sweet sunshine on my face, but still the cold dark cave is lurking at my back. I am closer than I have ever been!
- Searching for peace and heading for freedom
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for your email. I am so glad to hear that my website has been helpful for you on your way towards freedom and more balanced life. You are right, it is so very difficult for someone who has not experienced similar problems in a relationship to understand the depth of the emotional pain such situation can cause. The aim of this website is to serve as a forum where people who have experienced a toxic relationship can interact and get support from others who have been in a similar difficult situation. Your story serves as inspiration to all those who are still struggling while trying to make the big decision to leave an unhappy relationship. It is so important to know that we are not alone with out problems. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. To read more about narcissism in a relationship, please see section Narcissism.
 You said that many counselors told you they felt something was wrong and that perhaps the best thing for you to do was to leave your husband. The fact that these professionals all said the very same thing that resonated with your own feelings makes me strongly believe that you have made the right decision by deciding to end your marriage.
You said you feel as if you became your husband's enemy the day you married him and that you have been struggling for 13 years in your marriage. Dear Friend, it is clear that you have tried all you can to save your marriage. Now it is time for you to leave and start seeking your own happiness. It is a wise thing to do to prepare your departure in peace instead of rushing into the unknown. I truly believe you will be so much happier on your own. After spending more than a decade with your husband it can feel difficult to be by yourself at first. It is important that you remember during those moments that it is the safety of the routines of your old life that you miss, not the painful and draining life with your husband.
You are now on your way towards a new happier life. Stay on that path, do not give up! My thoughts are with you. Please write to me anytime you feel like it. You are not alone.
To read more about these topics, please see section Narcissism.
Warm hug,
Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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I met my husband whom is an extreme narcissistic person 8 years ago. I left him once already for a whole year, but my daughter was having difficulty with the break up and missed her daddy so much that I felt guilty. I will admit I was still in love with him even after all the things he did to me and her. So I got back in contact with him and within 3 weeks we were remarried. We moved 1000 miles away down to Miami, Fl. I had a job with in a week of getting there, Then the reality set in he couldnt find a job until after 3 mths and he made us all homeless because of that. I sent my daughter back home to live with my family so she wouldnt end up sleeping in the car with us. My god it was horrible and scary! Never knowing when we were going to eat or where we were sleeping at the next day. I became ill due to lack of circulation to my legs my kidneys were shutting down and I had to go back to Arkansas to my family. After recovery, my parents wanted to help out so they moved us to Savannah, Ga. Got us an apartment and thought they should give him another chance to see if it might work there. He had two jobs at one time and long story short was fired from both of them with in two months. Guess what now im back in the same homeless position again. How do I leave again? With full intentions of never going back?
im so angry and so confused im 27 and have been on and off with my narcisstic ex we were once engaged when i was 21 he was controlling very aggressive but very loving over the last 6 years he has caused me to have a mini breakdown and i now suffer with an anxiety dissorder wich runs my life ..he clearly doesnt love me any more but sometimes he tells me he does then the next day acts like nothing has happend he just uses me for sex how can i love this man he is 40 years old im scared i cant live my life without him who else is going to love me no one .
i want a happy ending mine too plz advice