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Hello Maria,
I was given your site by a professional counselor who helped me to see what my husband really is. When I read your section about manipulating the narcissist, I sat here on my sofa and began laughing until tears ran down my cheeks... and I thank you profusely for your insight! I laughed until I cried, then laughed again, realizing that I now have a name to the face, so to speak. What he is, and what he's done to me is in the light now.
I felt so much better after my laugh-n-cry fest, and even tried a bit of manipulation on him. WOW, it worked! I know it won't be an overnight victory, but I now feel as if I have a plan, and a way to get the heck out of here one fine day. He's content to live with me, and stay married, so I have time to go about my business and get myself together.
Thanks again for the great advice and insight. Many blessings!
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for your email and for your positive feedback regarding my website. I am so glad to hear it has been helpful for you in your situation. There are so many people in this world who are suffering in their relationships without knowing that they are dealing with a narcissistic person. Many people have told me that they had never even heard a word "narcissist" before navigating to my website while searching for information from internet. To read more about narcissism in a relationship, please see section Narcissism.
Often people remain in a relationship with a narcissist because they believe they are the source of the problems and that if they leave they can never find another person with whom they can connect emotionally as strongly as they connect with their narcissistic spouse. This is the emotional trap that often prevents one from breaking free from a toxic relationship. To read more about the emotional hooks a narcissist is embedding to the brain of his or her victims, visit page How to Leave a Narcissist - Advice and Support.
 A relationship with a narcissist can be compared to being addicted to a drug: Deep inside one knows it is a dead end road leading to inevitable destruction and yet one is not able to get off the train. I have never heard of a recovered drug addict who feels sorry for quitting drugs and wishes to return for his or her old life. In a similar fashion, I have never met a person who has been in a relationship with a narcissist and after finally managing to break free wishes to have his or her old life back.
The "victims" of narcissists often miss the warm feeling they felt in the beginning of the relationship, however after spending enough time apart and managing to maintain No Contact most people start to see their past situation more clearly and realize how badly they have been treated by their spouses. Many people have told me that after seeing things from distance they simply cannot understand how they have allowed their spouse to treat them so disrespectfully. However, when one is in the middle of the situation it is very difficult to see the bigger picture. The aim of this website is to help people to find the strength to break free from a harmful relationship with a narcissistic person.
A relationship with a narcissist can lead to serious depression
It is very dangerous to remain in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic person for a long period of time. A narcissistic partner is often behaving in an abusive way towards his or her partner. Abuse can be emotional, physical or both. If one constantly hears negative things about oneself the risk is high that one slowly becomes seriously depressed.
One reason why it often takes so long to recover after ending a relationship with a narcissistic person is because one must recover not only from ending of a relationship but also from depression one has developed during the relationship. It is easy to mistake depressed feelings for feelings of "missing" one's partner. Many people return to their abusive partners while seeking relief of the painful emotions they are facing after the separation, not understanding that those emotions are in fact part of the healing process. In similar fashion a drug addicts seeks relief for painful withdrawal symptoms by resuming drug abuse, only to find that such "relapses" offer no long term relief and in fact make the recovery process harder.
It helps one to recover from the break up with a narcissistic partner if one realizes that the negative feelings one is experiencing after the separation are not solely caused by separation itself but are partially caused by depression due to continuous emotional or physical abuse.
Depression is a very serious condition and it takes long time to recover from it. I have recently launched a new website that is focusing on understanding depression and what one can do to help oneself to recover from depression. You can visit the new website here: www.brain-depression.com
To read more about how to recover after experiencing narcissism in a relationship visit page Healing after Cheating and Narcissism.
Warm hug,
Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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Stories - Narcissism 
that sad and hurtful event made me smell the coffee. I had an a serious illusion of what he was and how he felt about me. In the beggining he said all the right things and made sure I noticed all the good but even then he craved my full attention. I first it felt like a compliment, like a feeling he wanted me only but now I completely understand. On D-Day I was the one to blame for everything and he made sure of it. Insulting me,telling the OW lies, and maing sure he was no longer in love anymore, mind you all this was occuring while I was seeking him and asking him to come back. I couldn't believe he was blaming me and it a moment of anger he said why do you want me back you didnt even love me anymore when in fact he stopped loving me and never did, which I found out later. While separated he tried to talk to me while talking to her, asks to see me then still call her afterwards, try to have sex and still talking to her until I yelled " You cannot have your cake and eat to"... He replied with thats not what I am doing. I didnt believe him, all this was hurting me mentally. After we got back together he had no empathy and got mad when try to talk to him about why did he do what he did and just blame me again. I tried to say and show him it was always about him and he still blamed his actions on me and why we fought so much in our relationship. I strongly believe he is a Narc and mentioned to him the symptoms and he said " I may qulaities of one but that doesn't mean I am one" What?! 
You have qualities so your are one! then he used a metaphor about me. SMH. Should I stay in this relationship/ marriage and seek help for him because like you said I have to treat him as a child. That is how I see him now,sadly. Please advise from anyone. thank you
I am trying to determine if I am married to a Narcissist. Our counselor shared with me recently that he believes my husband has NPD.
The core of our relationship is based on deceit. Every 3 mos., a random new female appears in our lives, this has been going on for 10 years. He only claims to cheating twice, which I discovered, and the rest have been “aquaintences.”
On average, our marriage from the exterior appears to be the “perfect” marriage to others. He is a pilot, we have a beautiful home and he is the most affectionate mate I’ve ever had. There is not a soul that comes around that doesn’t comment on how much my husband “adores” me. He is not jealous, possessive, or interested in keeping me isolated from friends/family. He has never insulted me or verbally abused me, unless in an extreme argument where we are both shouting angry remarks. He showers me with gifts, trips, flowers, nice dinners etc. He “appears” to be the perfect husband. This is where I am getting confused.
When the fights occur, they are ALWAYS due to another female that has appeared in our lives. In 10 years, every fight we have ever had has evolved from outside influence of other females. This is where his “destructive’ side is revealed. He gets immediately enraged, destroys everything in his path and has actually physically hit me twice. Then he will destroy my cell phones, computer or anything of mine he can get his hands on. He will disconnect the tv, cable, internet etc. before leaving for days at a time with no contact.
How could someone so loving be so deceitful? Could he be just deeply selfish and not NPD? He is completely influenced by people of power and lusts after monetary possessions and the attention of any girl that will look his way. It’s as if his boss, who is a billionaire at the age of 40, is his idol. My husband is 37. He only cares that he gets constant adoration and approval from this person. It is really weird.
April 27, 2012 was our 6 year anniversary. On this night, he had planned a dinner in New Orleans, a night at the Ritz Carlton with flowers and Veuve Cliqot champagne awaiting us in our suite. Soon after we went to sleep, his phone rang at 1 am. Once again, it was a girl claiming to be Sheila. He acted as if he didn ‘t know who she was but I knew immediately he KNEW this person. He denied it. It enraged him because he said “I don’t know when to stop”, he grabbed me by the head and began slamming it into the headboard while slapping me over and over in the face until it busted my lip.
I threw him out and told him our marriage was over. The last time this happened was summer of 2011. I moved out for two months and he lured me back with his claims of “deep love for me” and claims that he had finally grown up and could appreciate the gifts God had given to him. Of course, I moved right back in believing every word. Bam, look what happened on my anniversary. Shame on me!
Please, I will take any advice you can give me