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Hi Maria,
I married my husband after months of dating – he promised me the world. He seemed perfect and he told me lets get to know each other for the rest of our lives – come to stay at my home and be my wife and a mother and take care of our lifestyle. I accepted and we were married. I sold my home, left my career and my family and friends and became his wife and moved to a town far from the city I was living in. So here is when it all starts to go pear-shaped.
We married in this beautiful place and only our parents and respective children were in attendance. He ran a company and did not even invite his GM’s – strange. I spent thousands on looking just the perfect princess. Before we married and we were discussing what we would do for the reception he said we will go home and have a barbeque – I thought he was joking so I laughed and put it aside thinking he would surprise me. Lo and behold we really went home and I got out of my princess dress and made salads and we had a barbeque. First warning signs and I was switching off the sirens.
Few months into our marriage the first real big outburst happened – it left me reeling. We left on a trip and on the way out I grabbed three chocolates out of a chocolate box next to his bed. On our way out of town I said “here have a chocolate”. My husband slammed on brakes and asked me who I think I am for taking his chocolates which his children gave him and that I have no principles or values. He turned the vehicle around and threw me and my son onto the pavement.
Then after that a month or two later I picked up my husband's cell phone while he was out running (are narcissists into individual sports – he does running, triathlons, fishing, gym) and found a message he sent to a woman who is his subordinate at his work (the first of many I was to see over the years and each time I asked him about them it turned into a massive blowout and I was left feeling like I am mad for questioning him – my husband became paranoid about his phone, I was not allowed to touch it, he would turn it face down and would make sure it did not keep sent and received items). This was the message:
“I have fifteen minutes before my next meeting. I am at the new town office. We can do it on my new desk but you will have to come quickly”.
That is exactly how it was written – it was a shock – My husband had never spoken foul like this to me, he was “sexual” with a junior employee and betrayed the sanctity of marriage.
Below in brief detail is the abuse I suffered for several years – the abuse continues even though we are now divorcing – My husband and his attorneys have crippled me financially even though we had a written agreement in place for him to support me as I am unemployed. I lost my home and everything this month. My husband and his attorney are on the warpath against me and they both seem to be narcissists – they turn everything around and project blame back onto me even for the smallest things like a court procedure.
I got a Protection Order and my husband discounted and justified every incident of abuse I went through – and blamed me and said I provoked him. I am in counseling but after several months of separation still feel lost, bewildered, very anxious, depressed, sad, disconnected and have no self confidence or self esteem – My husband really broke me in every way. I thought I was insane – I still question myself and doubt my judgment. I am terrified of men around me because giving so much to a marriage and have it all taken away and devalued is the ultimate hurt.
I put every ounce of me into our marriage and my husband has turned around telling me I did nothing that I spent all his money, that I did not work because I did not want to (he said I must not work). I took care of his children, he isolated me and eventually took everything I enjoyed materially away as well. It seemed any success I had was a blow to him. But for some strange reason my husband used to brag about me to other people like his colleagues. I actually believed I must be a horrible nasty person – my husband verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially abused me and it got worse and worse. Funny thing is that he has now found his new victim and has already moved in with her after only a month – looks like history is about to repeat itself – I wish I could warn her but she would not listen because my husband is so charming – his parents don’t even know what he did to me – I did not want to involve them and let them see him for the monster he really is.
My husband was married before but I now know why his ex is as crazy as she is – she endured more than 10 years – I lasted less and I know how I feel – SOUL RAPED. This man has no empathy or compassion – he put on such a big front for the world to see, always going on about his morals and value systems - but he is a Jekyll and Hyde. The master of acting. My husband was sodomised when he was young and he was in boarding schools most of his youth– I think this had a huge impact on him.
These are some of the things my husband did to me during our marriage (what would you make of all this, can a person be this sick?): (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).
>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY <<
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through! I got so angry on your behalf when I read about everything your husband has done to you. There is no shadow of a doubt that your husband is a malignant narcissist. You asked "can a person be this sick"? Unfortunately there are sick people like this out there in the world. The most important thing is that you are now safe and your husband can no longer keep on destroying your life.
 It is horrible to go through what you have been going through. That kind of a mental and physical abuse leaves scars that are very difficult to heal. But Dear Friend, this does not mean your situation is hopeless, far from it. Human mind is truly an amazing thing, it can and it will heal itself when you give it enough time. You were subjected to this kind of a horrible treatment performed by your husband for several years. That is a long time. However, your situation would be much worse had you been subjected to this kind of mental torture for decades. Now you are deeply wounded, but you are still young and your wounds WILL heal, please trust me on this one. You still have several decades of quality life ahead of you! Your husband has not managed to destroy your whole life.
I am so glad you found my website. You have taken the first step towards recovery by writing down everything your husband has done to you. When you read the story and the list you wrote, I am sure it is clear to you that your husband could never have made you happy. It is clear that this man can never make ANYONE happy. The fault was never in you. That is the most important thing for you to remember. This was NOT about you, it was all about him.
Your husband's next "victim" will unfortunately suffer the way you have been suffering, because when the personality of a man is this twisted, the changes that he will improve significantly are so small that they are in practice non-existent (even though "miracles" can sometimes happen, but those cases are extremely rare when the abuse has been this extreme). Unfortunately you are right when you assumed that the new woman will not believe your husband could be such a monster before she sees it with her own eyes. If you wish, you can write to her a letter (perhaps send a copy of this letter you sent to me) and when the bad things start to happen, her eyes will perhaps be opened sooner than they otherwise would.
Dear Friend, this is very important: Please do not send any letter to your husband's new girlfriend before your situation is perfectly clear and you have cut yourself completely free of him, so that he cannot cause any additional trouble for you if he gets mad at you. I am sure your husband will get mad if he feels you are interfering with his life. If you send a letter to his new girlfriend, you must be prepared to face his anger. Do not do it, unless you feel you are mentally strong enough. On the other hand, perhaps if you send that letter, it could help you to heal because you know you have done something to try to help the new victim. So there are two sides in this matter. For me the most important thing is your safety and well-being. If you feel there is ANY kind of a danger of having serious negative consequences after you send the letter, then please do NOT do it. Your health and safety are priority. ( Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).
>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS REPLY <<
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Dear Friend, thank you for sharing your story. Please write to me anytime you feel like it. I wish to help you any way I can to get over this horrible experience. Here you are among friends. You are not alone.
To read more about how to get over cheating and narcissism, please visit page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism.
Warm hug,
Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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