Why the need to teach those closest to a n, lessons. Without reading any literature available on narcissism, my life has been embedded with a n, where I identified every element of this persons being, through experience. One of the favorite phrases of the n I now despise is the repeated course of him having to teach me a lesson. Lessons unwanted, lessons that inflicted pain and violent n rages, that were earlier identified as anger outbursts, then attributed by the pitiful n as high blood pressure, yet I declare his pulse never raised and was always stunned by the regular slow beat of the cold heart belonging to the n.

The smiling assassin just gave our son the look accompanied by the cruel sick smile at his prideful work on developing my only son to be a mini protege' n. How very touching, as it now scoffs its other addiction, one of many -alchohol down it's cruel mouth, as it looks on again at grown men doing the haka. Woohoo, a pack of imbiciles making stupid noises to entertain the apparent intellect of a n since its origin of birth celebrates fools that are not warriors! I guess if there were a team called the vikings, they would all come out with horns on their heads and make some man noises whilst throwing a turkey leg into their mouth. Woo-hoo, what's the difference. There are no warriors, there are no vikings-and the n tells me consistently to not live in the past!

What a croc, jokes on him! Double standards moulding everything in its life to suit its lack of intellect. I have read that n's are quite smart -smarta*s is about all that I see here. I, personally have an intelligence quotient of around 170, yet I am to believe that I am a dumb female. The other post talked about a beautiful, smart and loving wife of fifteen years. I am beautiful, I have to keep reminding myself of that daily, for all the spins that have left me doubting it. I am smart, still able to think with clarity in the mayhem and contorted state that the n in my life has run amok doing his very best n job on an entire family and young defenseless children.

What a glory he attributes to himself. Imagine a human being thats eyes glaze over as you watch his eyes change, unable to detect a pupil as it receives its high because he hit the target by causing mass confusion and plotting and setting the script of the day on small children and women. What a man! The n is finished with me and the entire family albeit than his new protege' that takes great delight in mimicking Daddy n's every behavior. How special is that? What a wonderful role model he has been.

In depth resentment of the silent, stoic role model he had. I heard it all, the victim story again then he pays homage to his role model daily with the strong code of silence and rejection and of course, wait for it -another lesson that I must learn! A lesson our children had to learn. A lesson where innocent children and loving wives were placed in coventry for simply being in the same room or breathing the same air that was their God given right, not entitlement!

An egomaniac that has lived its life with availability of basket loads of excuses and always someone elses place to take the full stock of blame. Always, even it agrees it is in the wrong, it comes after it has driven individuals to a cliff edge, so that it can get its drug favouring itself with the glory and the power of it's warped, pitiful, transparent delusion! It is notorious for calling anyone that does not agree with it, nutters, psychos, sick and it plots its revenge daily as part of its routine. You see, it can admit it is wrong, but one knows that it is dangerous territory for the payback will be possibly the most severe retaliation that it can think of to pull one apart like a vulture picking on the bits that are left and not already satisfied with its first, second and third course.

An addict from the beginning to the end. An addict that could not tolerate the purity of its most closest. An addict that inflicted its sick and deranged life arrangement on innocent beings in order to corrupt them into its world of addictions. Strategically, I give it some credence for its efforts-if you did not swear, you needed to, if you didn't drink alchohol, you needed to, if you didn't engage in it's plan or arrangement, it went out of its way systematically to humiliate, degrade and embarrass one for their purity. It sits there now as I type, sweeping its methodical hand over its head, because it is its father at this point. How do I know, it doesnt have more than ten accounts of its father and one of them heard over and over again, like a broken record is how anal his role model was with regard to his hair. The only thing missing in this scene is the coconut oil but it has replicated that by buying products similar. On the whole, moreover- I live with its mother. I get abused because it came to me with ghastly descriptions of its mother, and the way it was treated, apparently by its mother, yet it replicates every sordid thing it told me with regard to its mother. The usual gang up occurs when it under threat of this being exposed to other members of its family. You see, it was alright to play the victim in order to gain sympathy from its prey, but its double standard and contrast is seen when swinging from blaming mother to blaming father to blaming birth mother to blaming every person in its life at any given moment to declare its right and privilege to further abuse others.

Who are the real victims here, I may ask? I fully believe it has never been faithful and has betrayed me in every way that could be imagined, so why the hell would it have been faithful in any element of its life with me. It is rude, arrogant beyond belief, beautiful in its own eyes and better than anyone living on the planet. It believes it was born with special powers and boy did this cause violence to me, for daring to repeat what it told me about itself when it was first charming me, and yes, same script as most n's, calling me its princess! What a joke, it has left me feeling like a refugee, war torn, psychologically tired and demanding that his wife pay him board, just like mother!

I have been the laughing stock, it thinks when it told the formidable story over and over and over again about the time, that I was such an idiot, because what kind of a f***head, lol (sick) puts their hands up to protect themselves in a shower with shampoo in their hair, when one has had the shower glass door flung open after hearing a reenactment from the shower scene in Psycho, with the screeching voice included to see their partner wielding the largest carving knife in the house, toward their chest! Sorry, I caused it to miss the football as it had to run me straight to the doctors to get my hand stitched because I was such an idiot by putting my hands up to protect myself. So the joke amongst people at barbeques etc, when he was social that was, would be told. when they uncomfortably laughed, knowing in their mind they would be away from his company and could afford to mock him to keep them from possibly giving him any reason that they may become his victim- he used it to degrade me even further and convince me (not, never from my perspective, but then I am not deranged), that I was at fault because the laughing from others that he coerced out of them, was seen as applause to his behavior. Also from his perspective, it reinforced the fact that he was normal and I was the idiot in the scenario! Good O, Yup that's the Man, haha funny haha-

There are thousands and thousands of episodes that I have lived, yet I get help, for my apparently being some form of a nutter, yet he is seriously under question and refuses to get help, because I am the nutter with the General Anxiety Disorder! You see, he cannot afford for any of this to come out infront of professionals because when he plays down these bizarre episodes, he will not receive the audiences approval that he has not hand chosen to receive his mixed up state of mind.

Therefore, I am burned, as he always threatened, I would be. I am disposed of along with the family because he is exposed. Run off now, n and find yourself, if not already another Jennifer. A new source of narcissistic supply! A new individual to tear apart for loving a fake! A new family to bring scenes of a horror movie to, a new family to malign and create waves and division between all members and have everyone confused and dazed by this actor.

A song and dance man he fancied himself as, Sammy Davis Junior I believe was his thoughts about himself. Well his song, will live on and is referenced in my head under the category or genre of something like slipknot. The dance he took me on will never be forgotten, so I suppose he got his wishing well. Seeming so that every special occasion that was not all about him has been systematically sabotaged or allowed to take place with after perspectives of his view that ripped it apart so that no one, I say no one was allowed to remember the event in any positive light.

I could go on for a year, as it would surely take at least that to illustrate every moment with him that does not include the cracks to the skull, nor of the damage or of the tumor of the brain, nor of the brain aneurysym he is working on daily to increase the chances of rupture. Nor would it account for the violence that is every ones fault again, because they should know how to obey!

You see, we were disobedient and had to pay the price, as my son informed me last night, it is just a game Mum, just a game. I informed my son, that when my coffin is going into the soil, remember son, it was just a game. End note: I am going to write a book or three and made the mistake of telling the n I will use different names of course, but that I will dedicate to him-Well I made a mistake there, the smiling assassin just got a high, to think it would finally be famous. So therefore, I will just make the money and he will never know the book/books!

It's great to hear from you guys. I have been head over heels in love with my narcissistic husband for over 9 years now. Always wishing he could se "the light". I have moved out and still HOPE he sees how his behavior affected not only me but also my two girls. One is almost 20 and the other 17. They see him as the enemy. Very much different than when we were first together. They loved him and then he screwed with their minds by voicemails I didn't know about. Telling them that they were worthless because they forgot their keys to the house. How they needed to use the "back door" because if they used the front door his slept might be compromised. He only cared about himself and as far as I'm concerned good riddance. My girls are finally content and I am finally at peace. I could say MUCH MORE but I think you get the picture. CONTROL. NO MORE!

My fellow narcissist,

Please know that you are not alone and that at least one person knows that you DO have good in you and that the simple act of writing the words above took courage.

I too am a destroyer of relationships, a taker, a man above men and a delusional narcissist. I have left a wake of pain and distrust in my path for at least 20 years (probably more but I won't allow myself to remember much further back)and have hurt the only people on the planet who care for me the most while worshipping those who dispise me.

Belittling and chastising my beautiful, smart and loving Wife of 15 years is a talent that I honed to perfection so much so that she sought counselling for years because she could just not do enough...be enough and never felt 'whole' while I danced my way through life with smiles and winks and nods to all those who adored me or so I thought.

Speaking of adoration, oh boy you had damn well better like the things I do, think, say, wear, drive etc etc etc. If you don't, you're an ***hole without a clue and if you were to be so bold as to tell me that what I did or said was out of line, you would hear it!!!! What I didn't tell those individuals is how little of a person I felt when they did say it...how small...how unimportant and how embarassed I was when I was thrown back in my face.

There is hope however and just like any addiction, the first step (prepare for cliche') to stopping it is to admit what you are....an addict. Your addiction is both physical and mental. Endorphines and Dopamine are released when you feel elated (you've just made yourself feel more powerful, important, better looking by making someone else feel or look small)providing your body with much desired energy and adrenaline. Mentally, you need to 'fix' as much as you can to keep yourself from self-destructing. Are you an all or nothing kind of guy? I am. I could be riding on top of the world but a whisper of dissent or displeasure from another person would cause a 'crash' mentally....it was all for nothing! Even though the truth of the matter was that your boss was pissed at something small and has forgotten it 10 minutes after berating but dammit you feel like you've dropped the winning pass in the Super Bowl or missed the winning out in the World Series! You're dead in the water even though you've served the company/church/club etc for years with great success!

The first step is admitting to what you really are and embracing ways to identify those actions that have done the damage and those people whom you've hurt the worst. No instant fix here...even when the narcissit 'lightning' struck me (Disney World, Orlando Florida, October 8, 2009), it took nearly a year to actually understand the things that I do or don't do and in that time, I did more damage than I had done in all the years prior to that. We don't want change and we certainly don't want to be seen for what we really are...cold, weak, afraid, distant, unempathetic (Hey, people love me man!) but we are who we are and like many addicts, we really do the damage to those around us.

There are few resources to help the narcissist because those with NPD rarely see themselves for who they really are even when the mirror is up and the wall is down. Like addiction, hitting 'rock bottom' is a great catalyst to help see ones self clearly and to seek help by any means possible. Other shocking or traumatic catalysts that are effective in this 'awakening' are just as you describe in your post...an unfaithful spouse, being fired from a job where 'they love you', being ostracized from some social circles etc. Many resources that I have looking into suggest running from the narcissist! Yeah I was hurt too but wow...you can't cure the idiot so....

My bottom line is this:

I'm going to STOP serving myself FIRST and serve EVERYONE around me and NOT seek an ounce of praise for it.

I'm going to BREAK BAD HABITS. You can and will drive up out of the ruts for a while but sometimes you'll slide back down in. When that happens, STOP, recognize and admit out loud to yourself what you're thinking or doing and CHANGE immediately. Example: My Wife says, "I'm so tired of living like this! The light fixture in the bathroom has had wires hanging out of it for 4 months now and you are just going to sit there? And while we're on the subject, have you asked your boss about that per diem money that you are owed?? You know you worked for that money and here we are, another month has gone by...etc...etc" My initial feelings: Here we ****ing go....always bitching. I work to provide her all of 'this' and this is what I get in return. I sit down for one second and this **** starts again! And now, if I get up and do this thing, she will get exactly what she wants and I'll be a sucker for obeying her 'command' STOP!!!! Listen to what she is REALLY saying! She's not belittling you, she doesn't think that you are worthless, she doesn't think that she is more powerful or smarter, she doesn't want to make you look bad, she isn't trying to turn you into her weasel father, she isn't thinking any of these things. She's frustrated at having said the same thing over and over just to be ignored. These things make her feel like you don't really hear her or care about how she feels or the things she wants from a relationship. She didn't even want to have this conversation because nine times out of ten, it ends up with you 'fixing' the light fixture half assed to 'teach her a lesson' and to lose the responsiblity of having to fix anything. She wants you not to obey, but to listen. Boy what a tough thing that was to learn for me!!! Now, when my Wife is really steamed about something and confronts me, I actually sit calmly and listen without answering back or offering half-baked excuses. I apologize for the delay and for bringing her to this boiling point and address the problem right then and there and do you know what happens? She has all the power and has made you look small? NO! She's elated because YOU actually took the time to not only address the issue but to try and understand the way she feels about it! Who's getting a backrub tonight?? You know it!

Recognizing these bad habits and changing them on the spot makes a world of difference and the more humility that you allow yourself to experience, the more human emotion you will see and in turn....experience yourself.

Serve others FIRST and change your bad habits. I'm not changing the world over here by doing these things but I am changing the way I 'see' the world and the relationships in my own home and around me.

Reading: The 5 love languages (really read it and figure out what you're Wife's love language is....it'll do you a world of good!

Trapped in the Mirror. You weren't born an ***hole...you were molded to be this way!

Best of luck!