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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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• |2011-09-12 14:33:10 Anonymous
  Thank you for this....good luck , you deserve it!
  Blessings be upon you, hold strong in what you know to be right and true. If you are ever in doubt about the course of your life, take a minute and think about what advice you would give to your younger sister, or a best friend if they found themselves in this situation. I think It helps to distance yourself from the emotion if you want to figure out what to do.
  with love,
  Dawn
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• |2011-05-12 15:19:24 Isabel  - Sometimes it's even worse
  Hi to all! I read the story of Alice and I felt a knot in my throat. I know the devastation! My boyfriend lives in another country (though we meet very, very often)and I felt the hummiliation of being betrayed not only emotionally, but physically. He is from the UK, living in Lille, France. There's another woman from Ireland who lives in the outskirts of Lille (Marcq en Baroeul), just 7 kms from him. One day I was informed they were having sexual encounters. I got so devastated. Then I found out, it was her who purposed him an affair behind my back. So, the situation was: when I was not there, he could be with her and keeping the relationship with me, without any problems. I also found out, he was telling her everything about me, my job, my detais, any time he was with me, everything! So, she'd knew all about me, while on the other hand I knew nothing about her. That's why she'd never call or text him, while I was around. It was a very smart move. Another way she found out to be with him without being caught, was going into his house very soon in the morning, after dumping her 2 kids in school. She would have sex with him (it was not even passing a night) and go back to his normal life. She'd would say "everyone to their crib" after job done. At this age of mine, I though I'd have seen almost everything in this world, but to my surprise, I've never seen this. This was absolutely new to me. I never thought a woman could act this way, knowing fully well he had a girlfriend! When all was discovered, I got to know her email address and wrote her, saying she could stay with him. The idiot wrote me back, confessing she was the silent partner and that to her, while I was away it was "out of sight, out of mind" and that she knew he didn't love me because he couldn't love back. She begged me to stay with him, etc, etc. No, she never apologized it! Neither him! Then, each time I tried to talk to him about it, he was always saying he didn't want to speak about it. So, not only I couldn't ask any question as I had to swallow what he and that woman named Emma, did to me. At the end of the day, it was me who was feeling bad, so I should forget, forgive and swallow my pride, accepting their dalliance. This has happened (time it was discovered) this past December. I forgave and never brought the subject again. He assured me it was not going to happen again. However, I know now, they never broke contact. This past Easter Sunday, he told me he went with her for a pic-nic with her 2 kids, near the place she lives and went for a cyclorail (something like that). He told me it was all very innocent and that nothing happened, however I can't believe it. It all seems she's still his mistress otherwise she'd never had invited him for that pic-nic. I suspect there's still something going on behind my back. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he denies any involvment with her. There was a time he even said any time I talk about it, he wants to jump out of a window, because he doesn't love her and hungs up the phone on my face. He also says this is just good to piss him off, if I keep bring this subject. It's like I'm the one at fault and not them. It's like I have to accept they have an affair, without voicing my sadness and my anger. Recently, he was on a birthday party of a commom friend (his and hers) and obviously she was there. I mean they're still in touch and he is not willed to break any contact with her. He says he loves me, but it's hard for me to live this fashion. I never know when she knocks at his door to sleep with him. This weekend it's going to be her birthday, and I have the feeling she will try everything to sleep with him. On the other hand, I will never celebrate my birthday again, because it was exactly on that date, they once slept together. Hard to forget about it. Now, you all note, this woman claims she is a victim in life, because her ex-husband left her for another woman much younger than her. She says he always mean to her and according to my boyfriend, her circle of friends say it's all true. However, I can't understand how can a woman who was such a "victim" as she says, can permit herself to destroy my life, by inviting my boyfriend to have an affair with her, behind my back! I need help and I need to find the courage to end this relationship! I just don't know how! I'm pretty sure all her friends think she is a great person and honest! She's not! I have evidence! Oh help!
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• |2010-10-17 04:17:24 stephanie  - lies,lies, and more lies
  I am writing due to my current situation with my boyfriend of 3.5 years that I dearly love and hope to continue on but am uncertain and not ready to do what my head is telling me. Here's my story. We were introduced through a mutual friend about 3 years before we actually got together. I was in a relationship that i knew wasn't going anywhere not that it was bad he just wasn't the one for me for te happily ever after scenario but it was fun and comfortable. He had just seperated from his wife of 15 years leaving his 2 children 9 and 11. We met as friends/confidents/distractions to real life. We would meet for coffees then drinks and whatever free time we could. He courted me for months. I left my relationship to pursue one with him. We courted for almost 6 months before we became intimate. I didn't want to be the rebound. We fell in love. It was amazing. We would meet as often as we could. About 5 months later he wanted to meet my 3 year old daughter. I finally allowed him in after a while and it just became even better. It was fantastic. He however could not bridge the gap and introduce me to his children. He was scared and guilt ridden about leaving. His daughter was not willing whatsoever having cryoing fits for hours at the mere mention of my name. It was now becoming difficult. Our relationship became stagnant. In the 3.5 years I still have not met his daughter and his son only a handful of times. His son and I get along famously but no initiation on his side to do things together. This is an issue all in itself but not of what I am writing about. At our 3 year anniversary I found out that he has been having texts off with a married woman who is the manager of the basketball that he coaches. I indirectly met her (at a game but never introduced to her) and then 2 days later she is texting him while he is away and him responding and no communication with me. I found out that they had texted one another and asked him when he denied it at least 6 times prior to me calling him out on it and then he nervously came clean with it was all bball related. That day forward not another text but now phone calls, a lot of calls for long periods of time. He is not a phone person but they would talk for 30 mins and then like 2 mins later talk for another 15 mins with at times a few more calls for the same day. His phone bill showed a total mins of 220 with our calls totalling only 10 mins more for the month. We obviously do not live together. Anyways another confrontation and more lies. I never disclosed how I knew this but all lies. He said he didn't enjoy alking to her and it was all about bball. Well bball ends and still calls. Secret calls of calling and leaving messages telling him to call her at home because her son wasn't home and she was free all day. I would confront him about the message and he would lie about that. We are on day 100 of dealing with this other woman and the lies are still happening. Deleting numbers so I wouldn't see them and now they talk when he is at work so there is no way of tracking it. He says no more lies and then in that same conversation he lies about deleting her number saying it was to avoid conflict. I am not sure they are still talking but when I asked him about a month ago to stop he said he didn't feel he shouldn't be able to be friends with her because i was insecure about it. I want to believe that the talking has stoppped but due to all the lies and disrespect I'm not sure I can. I tell him I don't believe him and he says nothing. Never has asked me to trust him. Does nothing but get irritated when I bring it up and totally closes off from me both emotionally as well as physically. He now says if she calls he will say its best they don't talk but I think those are just words. Not sure if its in my head due to all the past lies as I tend to over analyze things and make whatever I want plausible possible. Will I ever trust him? Does he deserve my trust and loyalty? or are we to far gone? If you asked me if he were capable of such horrific behavior I would have bet you all the money in the world no but now I'm just not sure. Maybe they are just friends and there isn't any emotional adultery going on but if that was so why lie? why keep it a secret? why get defensive when I say we should meet as a group or just call her out on it? Do I call her? Do I call her husband? What should I do? Completely at my wits end and can't make out whats real and what i have manufactured up in my head!!! Please help!
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• |2010-03-15 16:16:49 Alice  - Still surfing on the pain's wave
  Dear, dear Maria,
  You don't know how much you alleviated my pain! You gave me tools to better understand the situation - MY situation. Every word that you wrote to me rang so true in my ears, that I feel so embarrassed not to see the reality that lies in front of me.
  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support! You honor us, the women.
  After I wrote to you, I couldn't sit around and wait; not with that mix of anger and pain in my heart. So, I took some desperate action:
  I called the 22 year old woman and asked her to meet with me for a coffee. We did. We spent about 2 hours talking. Two things lined out for me: She said she "will not cut this connection with him UNLESS if he asks her to do so" (pigs aren't flying yet) and She doesn't find mandatory that he should've told me about "them".
  Clearly, this lady is young and she cannot understand the implications of her relationship with my boyfriend.
  Also, clearly she knows that my boyfriend treats me with disrespect (by hiding this from me, by not wanting to cut the relationship with her). You were right about both.
  And the piece of resistance: (she told me that) they met 1-2 days ago and he asked her to hide her number when she calls him; he said "make it private, so she won’t know you called me." Her response? "I will not entangle myself in these kind of complications, so I will just continue to call him as usual."
  Betrayed again. Now you see how foolish I am ???!
  I broke his little safe secret box; she admitted to everything I asked her except the physical part: she claimed not once to have had physical touching with him.
  She also was told by him that he does not want to marry anyone, nor to have kids, but, Maria, I bet my one month salary that if she would ask him to, he would marry her in a minute.
  He is smitten; I see the signs with more clarity. Oblivious to my needs, disrespectful, impatient with me.
  He spent the whole weekend with me. Being nice and taking care of my daughter while I was meeting with his fling.
  Ironically, when she was leaving (her apartment located under his) to meet with me, they met and exchanged a few words, she told me. Ironically, when I was leaving to meet her, he just arrived at my house and we exchanged a few words (he did not ask me where I go). She said that she did not disclose the meeting with me.
  Painfully, later that night when I innocently asked him if he came directly from his house to mine, he said NO. He lied again. He could've just said "I stopped by"; that would've not meant anything to me (had I not known that he met with her), but WHY LIE?
  I told her that I shall tell him about our meeting and she should do the same. Now I am thinking if I should be the first one to tell him, so he won't think that she is feeding him info - oh, so close friends.
  Somehow, I managed to put the foundation of a “friendship” with her, meaning that we hugged when we left and promised to meet again. Clowny, huh!
  Dear Maria, I seriously plan to initiate the painful break up. I am 40, but I look good at my age, I am smart, loving, a wonderful mother, a good cook, a great lover...I deserve more from this short life. So, like you said, it will be better for me to exit this lane before I lose more self-respect (if that's possible!!)
  I read the article that you told me about and I am (theoretically) ready to put on the break up coat. Trust is only a dream now.
  May God bless you and give you happiness and love, Friend.
  I believe that Men who want young women are very immature and insecure. What mature woman would want to have that kind of man?? Theory - works.
  
  
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