For short summary of contents of this website, visit page Cheating and Narcissism Resources

The goal of this website is to offer support and information for people who are experiencing problems in their relationship that are related to cheating, abuse or narcissism. I have experienced these things and I know exactly what you are going through. I decided not to let these tragedies I faced to crush me. Instead I decided to use my experiences of cheating and mental abuse performed by my spouse in order to learn something new about the human nature and help others who are going through similar emotional roller coaster.

I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences. I became interested in the mechanisms of the brain and the mind that lead us to feel such pain, anger, depression and anxiety when we learn our beloved one has been cheating on us or we experience mental or physical abuse. I created this website aiming to help people who are in this kind of a situation. The best reward for me is the knowledge that I can ease the pain of those who are suffering as I once was. To familiarize yourself with different sections of this website, please visit Front Page.

I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to be able to help as many people as I can around the world to deal with their emotions and live a happier life. If you would like to help me to improve this website by helping me to proofread articles published here, please send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Too many people are suffering on daily basis due to negative feelings caused by problems and stress related to their relationship. I survived after experiencing mental abuse and cheating and now I wish to help others to deal with their emotions by telling what I have learned on the way.

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Learn to control emotions related to the memory of cheating

I have written down the results of my literature search and some of my personal experiences of how to recover after cheating and relationship with a narcissist. The brain is an amazing device. It is possible to teach the brain to work in new ways in certain situations in same fashion as it is possible to train the body to move in a new way while learning to ride a bicycle, to dance etc. Proper training can help you to control negative emotions related to cheating and to a relationship with a narcissist instead of letting your emotions control you. T read more about these topics please visit page Healing After Cheating and Narcissism.

If you like this website, I warmly recommend you to read the book Learn to Control Your Emotions (click the link to learn more about the book). I have been overwhelmed by the amount of emails I have received from people all around the world telling about their difficult situation and suffering due to cheating, abuse and narcissism. My wish is to be able to help all those who are writing to me by offering useful information and support. My best reward is the knowledge that I am able to help people who are going through same emotional pain that I went through. I am grateful to all of you who have sent me email and gave me positive feedback regarding this website and my book. Your messages serve as a fuel that keeps me going and gives me the strength and energy to continue this work.

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Cheating, narcissism and mental abuse

I felt crushed when I realized I was living with a narcissistic person who also turned out to be a mental abuser and cheater. I went through hell during my relationship, but I learned some precious things on the way. I now know how it feels like when the beloved one is cheating, lying and letting one down emotionally.

The emotional reactions related to crisis such as cheating or mental abuse are very natural and often tend to follow certain pattern. It helps to know that you are not alone and to know what you should expect from the following weeks and months after you found out about cheating or you have been mentally abused. If you are living with an abusive spouse who also shows signs of being narcissistic and a cheater, it helps you to recover faster if you understand that there is nothing wrong with you but that your spouse is suffering of abnormal physiological condition (narcissism) which often leads to cheating and mental abuse.

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Emotions after cheating and mental abuse

I felt I was in total darkness for a long time after I found out about the betrayal of my spouse. In the beginning everything went well and I was head over heels in love with him, but as time went by I slowly started to realize that the man I thought I loved was strongly narcissistic, mentally abusive, emotionally cold, dishonest and also had a history of cheating in all his previous relationships.

All sorts of emotions related to cheating and mental abuse that I experienced were spinning in my head during those times. I had never met a person like my spouse before and I had zero idea how to cope with his behavior or with my own bad feeling caused by his dishonesty and abuse. On the other hand I wanted to stay in my relationship but I had been deeply wounded and I had mixed feelings of confusion, frustration, pain and anger towards my narcissistic spouse.

I think the fact that I started to do a bit of literature research related to cheating, narcissism and mental abuse served as a form of a self-protection mechanism, a way to maintain the integrity of my mind. I felt that if I could understand the physiological and mental basis of my painful emotions caused by emotional abuse, narcissism and cheating I could learn to control my mind better instead of letting the situation control me.

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Cheating, mental abuse and the brain

It took time but via practice I slowly learned that indeed human mind can be trained to overcome obstacles such as cheating, narcissism and mental abuse more effectively, in same manner as muscles in our body can be trained to perform better via exercise. This new way of thinking changed everything for me. If you wish to read more about this topic and to learn how you can teach your brain to deal with various obstacles in life such as cheating and narcissism, visit page Healing After Cheating and Narcissism.

I created this website aiming to help those who are going through similar crisis in their life related to problems such as mental abuse, cheating, jealousy, insecurity and narcissism in a relationship. I have collected to this website some of the key things I have discovered during my literature search and as a result of my personal experiences of narcissism, mental abuse and cheating. I will constantly add new articles and information as I continue my research on these topics.

Knowledge is power. If it worked for me, it can work for you. You do not have to go through the pain and suffering you are now experiencing due to cheating, narcissism or abuse. You alone can decide how your life will evolve from this point on. Regain the control of your life and your mind, stop being a victim and start enjoying every day of your life the way you enjoyed when you were a child. Keep on reading the articles you find from this website and I will tell you how to get started in the process of becoming new stronger You.

It is fascinating to think that we can alter our own thought processes by using relatively simple methods and mental exercises. If you wish to read more about these issues and learn ways to influence the way your mind is working and how to suppress the mental pain caused by the behavior of your narcissistic spouse, please visit page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism.

Warm thoughts,

- Maria

You can contact me by sending email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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For more resources related to narcissism and cheating, please go to section Cheating And Narcissism Resources. To read about biological basis of emotions and how negative events such as cheating and narcissism affect the brain, please go to section Brain And Emotions. To read more about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating And Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating And Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about narcissism and how the mind of narcissist works, go to section Narcissism.

From this website you find following sections

Methods for Controlling Your Emotions

Methods and tips that help you to recover faster after emotional tragedies such as cheating and living with a narcissist. It is possible to teach the brain to react differently in certain situations in same fashion as it is possible to teach the body and muscles to react in a certain way when we learn to ride a bicycle, to dance etc. You can learn to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. Read more about these topics from section Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism.

Cheating and Infidelity

Learn to understand and cope with the emotions related to cheating. Do not let the feelings of depression, anxiety, mistrust and insecurity turn your life into misery. I know what you have been through. Why do we feel the way we do after learning our spouse has been cheating on us and lying to us? Emotions related to cheating are the results of certain biochemical reactions in our brain. We can train our brain to react differently in certain situations in same manner as we train our body to move in a certain way while learning for example some new sport, to dance etc. It is possible to alter fixed thought processes and arm ourselves against the tragedies in life such as cheating and mental abuse, so that they would not crush us. Learn to understand how the painful emotions related to cheating, mental abuse, lying and betrayal are created in the brain. You can get over the cheating of your spouse and get your happiness back. Get new insights, help and support from this section.

Narcissism

Information of narcissism, infidelity, mental abuse and how it is like to live with a narcissistic partner. Support and advice for coping with a narcissist and mental abuse. Learn to recognize the signs of mental abuse and narcissism and to understand how the mind of a narcissist works. Learn the ways to influence and manipulate a narcissist. Most importantly, learn to heal your mind after mental abuse, infidelity, lying and betrayal performed by a narcissist. Stop being a victim and learn how to regain the control of your life.

Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity

Personal stories of people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, depression, anxiety, insecurity, mental abuse and betrayal. If you wish, you can send me your story to get comments and new insights regarding your situation. You are not alone. I wish to help you get through the emotional pain you are now experiencing as a result of cheating or mental abuse. I have been in same situation as you, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was able to get over the pain caused by cheating, lying and mental abuse, you can do it too. I created this website aiming to help people who are in your situation. The best reward for me is if I can ease the suffering of those who are experiencing pain due to problems related to cheating, narcissism and abuse in their relationship. For information of how to send your own story, please see page Personal Stories: Cheating And Infidelity INFORMATION.

Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse

Personal stories of people who are living with narcissistic and mentally abusive spouse. Life with a narcissist can be very consuming emotionally. One might experience all sorts of emotional turmoils such as depression, anxiety, hopelessness, sadness and insecurity. It takes long time for the mind and the brain to heal after abusive relationship. If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship or in a relationship with a narcissist, learn to recognize the warning signs by comparing your experiences to experiences of others who have been living with a narcissistic mental abuser. For information of how to send your own story, see page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse INFORMATION.

Cheating Narcissism Brain Mind - Blog

This blog is dealing with topics related to narcissism, cheating, the brain and the mind.

Cheating and Infidelity Support Discussion Forum

Discuss your problems and read stories of others who have experienced cheating and mental abuse in a relationship. You are not alone. Get support and advice from others who are facing similar problems related to mistrust, insecurity, cheating and lying in a relationship.

Cheating Narcissism Web Links

Here you find links to other interesting websites dealing with cheating, mental abuse, lying, narcissism, betrayal and mistrust in a relationship.

Cheating Infidelity Home

Front page of this site. Featuring interesting articles and entries.

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Comments (5)

• |2011-10-11 12:20:57 deepu
  hi,i typed a long message and clicked sent.i wonder where it is now.
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• |2011-02-15 04:02:47 Perla  - Red Flags
  Victoria,
  
  From what I read you are a smart lady. You ask the questions but in some way, you give yourself the answers. I did the same in my relationship.
  When I met my husband I thought he was a great catch. He appeated humble, very polite, very spiritually inclined and appeared to have a great relationship with his parents. I didn't understand why would his exwife leave him as he also was very handsome. I saw the signs during the dating.. but made the subconsious decision to focus on the positive.. I was already 31, and started to doubt myself.. I have been on several relationships from which I ended buying a book after the breakup.. I felt well informed
  and that I had dated the whole zoo. I could put a psychiatric name to someone within 45 minutes in a date. I actually wasn't wrong.. and started to feel that with much wisdom comes much sorrow.
  The truth at the end is that love is pure, is simple and transparent. People who are healthy
  are comfortable been themselves, making mistakes.
  You were blessed to experience that with your husband. I come from a family where there's no divorce. My sister's practically married their first and only boyfriend. They are great man, and for the longest time, they thought most men were like their husbands. After witnessing my life and dating 4 Narcissists.. they have realized how blessed they are. Narc are very charming, magnetic and addictive. I gues since they don't have love in their heart they are able to invest all their energy and time for themselves. They are robotic and learn people's behavior as they don't know how to feel. They will do and say what you want to hear and say.
  From your post I see you recognized his past.. and his past show who he is. He also lies and hides information. Relationship of any kind requires trust.. and you cant trust someone like this. Realize that we end up with this type of people for some reason. In my case I grew up with a critical mother and this man accepted me for the first 6 months of the relationship.
  In your case, it appears that you were lonely, or in some type of emotional need and he was there at that time. You been in this website is a huge step.. You know the truth and the truth sets you free and empowers you. we have NO POWER to change anyone. Only he has that power and it requires alot of will. This personality disroder is characterized by someone who disconnected himself a long time ago.
  My husband told my counselor, "how do love"?
  Are you for real.. you have married twice
  There are soooooo many type o narcisssist as some are very sexual.. and my husband haaaaated sex. He punished me by not touching me.
  The main characteristic of ALL of them is that they can't love, they have no empathy, you are an object for whatever his purpose is in his life. The day the relationship is over... they discard you like you never existed. Him not having a relationship with her daughter is a big and bad sign, not to say those many 2 year relationships. I am glad God blessed you with 26 years next to a good man and I am sorry he is no longer with you. You have something to go by and understad what real love looks like.
  Getting married to my fraud husband tought me soo much when meeting someone in the future.
  You need to be vigilant about what they say, they do and time is a healer and a revealer.
  Don't let your emotions blur your inside instinct. Don't allow anyone to be the source of your happiness and stability. Find those things within you. Most woman today spend 25 years dating around for Mr perfect.. You were blessed to have those next to a lovng husband. Give yourself a break... learn about yourself, and not sure of your belief system.. but pray for the right person. You should feel "peace" when he comes.
  Reconnect with your friends and family more again, as I am sure your emotional vampire of your partner is taking alot of you. They will bring some sense in you, give you the support, love and advice. They have a history with you, you know you can trust them.
  If this man did things to the past woman, you are not exempt to his pattern.
  I called his exwife and was beyond blessed to know her story. If you feel that your love or obsession is huge.. you should put that energy in doing your research and call all his past woman. You will be shocked and theri stories.
  Good luck
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• |2010-01-24 18:32:01 Lisa
  Dear Maria:
  
  I am so intrigued and grateful for your website! I lost my husband of 26 years to cancer. We had a beautiful marriage. I married fairly young but was blessed. I have two boys, one 19 in college and one 13 years old in middle school. I am a school counselor and have an undergraduate degree in sociology, a Master's in School Counseling and an E.d.s. in School Administration.
  
  I met a man who owned some land near my home (we built on our land) approx. 4 months after my husband passed away. It was a very "natural" way to meet as he was mowing his field and it was a nice fall day (we live in beautiful Tennessee). He was very handsome and very charming.
  
  I found out through conversation over the next few weeks that he had been married twice (once 4 years and the second time 1 year) and that he had a daughter who was 22 years old. He had several past relationships and most of them lasted only one to two years. He did not have a relationship with his daughter and was very unclear about where she was living, etc. I later found out she lived near me--but I think he was embarrassed by the fact that he did not have a relationship with her so he referred to where she grew up in FL with her mom instead of telling me her current residence.
  
  His family if fairly well off. He worked for several years and climbed the ladder in a factory type job and is now going back to school in the medical field. He built a beautiful home and sold it and made a "killing" on it and was able to buy a home and is living debt free and paying for school along the way.
  
  He fooled me so quickly. It wasn't long before I was addicted to him--so strange. He is an amazing lover but lacks humor and empathy. He did not go at my pace as I asked him to move slowly with all of my family because of the trauma we had experienced with the loss of my husband. He forced himself on everyone and as a result noone in my family likes him. He doesn't care if anyone like's him.
  
  He is flirty with other women--although I know he is highly attracted to me and is proud of my accomplishments. He has commented on how well I have taken care of myself and my figure after having two children, etc. Everything revolves around him. When he comes to my house he expects me to drop everything and kiss and hug him for several long minutes regardless of the situation. I have to include him in everything I do. He makes up weird things to argue over and then I have to apologize and makes me feel guilty.
  
  It is crazy. Why do I go back to him.
  When we are intimate I feel as if he is putting on a show for me instead of really enjoying and loving me. Why can I not break free? Why do I go back? I had a full life before? I have so many friends (or I had them)? I know this is like a drug and I want off of it. It has been 4 months now. I was intrigued with finding out what was wrong with him--now I know....but still I am with him. Please help. Thank you for your website and your willingness and kindness to help others.
  
  God Bless!
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• |2009-10-16 01:23:40 Victoria
  It is grate source of information and very good written.
  Sorry for your past relationship with such gay.
  Wish you are very happy now
  I am also dealing with this trap now...
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• |2009-10-17 15:33:13 Maria
  Dear Victoria, thank you for your message. Yes, I am doing much better nowadays, and as I look back I realize I should have left long before I actually did... But on the other hand I think I had to go through all I did in order to REALLY understand that leaving was the best option. Sometimes there is no easy way out... In the end I can say that I have no regrets, I feel during my years with N I have learned much about myself and about life in general. My view of the world has really been broadened and I can now understand so much better all those people who are having hard time detaching from a negative relationship.
  
  I am sorry you are in the middle of an unpleasant relationship... I wish you lots of strength, please feel free to write to me if you would like to get some external feedback for your situation! Hug, Maria
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