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Helping Your Brain to Heal - Recovery After Experiencing Cheating or Narcissism in a Relationship Print E-mail

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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Problems in a relationship can lead to emotional pain and depression

It is not uncommon to develop symptoms of anxiety and depression as a consequence of being in a relationship with a narcissistic person or after experiencing cheating.  Depression is a condition that takes long time to develop. Often one is not aware of being depressed until condition is already quite advanced. At that point it often takes medication and therapy to restore the emotional balance.

Before the actual "breakdown" occurs one has usually felt slightly depressed, anxious or stressed for quite some time, often several years. People who have experienced prolonged emotional of physical abuse or other problems in their relationship are often suffering of mild or moderate depression without being aware of it. If you feel your general level of happiness has decreased lately and you feel stressed, tired or anxious, this article will introduce ways to help your brain to recover faster.

Lumosity Brain Training Program

You can begin the recovery process by starting to improve your brain today. All you need is your computer. No special software or other equipments are required. You do not need any additional skills and you do not need to download anything to your computer. If you are able to browse this web page, you are able to play the brain training games created by Lumos Lab.

Lumosity brain training games are based on vast array of research results that have been published in respected peer reviewed scientific journals. The developers of the Lumosity games are prominent scientists in the field of neuroscience. These brain games are the result of collaboration of scientists in different universities, such as Stanford, Harvard, Berkeley and UCSF.

 

Lumosity brain training program has been received well by the scientific community, by the users and by critics. Below are some comments of the reviewers from well known sources:


“Lumosity presents a wide range of exercises that target different mental processes.” - LA Times

“We can indeed form new brain cells, despite a century of being told it’s impossible.” - New York Times

“Lumosity was the program I was most eager to play each day.” - Scientific American

"Surprisingly fun games using real neuroscience research to improve your attention, memory, and even peripheral vision." - Women's Health

"Significant improvements in cognitive functions such as memory and attention were noticeable within a few weeks of training."- NBC Cleveland

"…designed to make users sharper in everyday tasks, improving memory, process speed, attention and cognitive control with fun but effective online workouts." - PCMag.com

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Getting rid of the emotional pain

Your painful thoughts are the result of certain kind of activity pattern in the neuronal networks in your brain. If you are constantly thinking about the matters related to the problems in your relationship, you are strengthening the neuronal networks related to negative emotions and hence your recovery takes longer.

If you are forcing your mind and your brain to engage into activity that requires your attentional resources, the activity of the neuronal networks related to negative thoughts decreases. As a result of the decreased activity, the networks related to painful memories start to lose their strength.

This kind of plasticity of the neuronal networks makes it possible for us to learn new things as well as to forget the unimportant information. When the strength of the neuronal network related to a certain memory has decreased enough, the memory is forgotten. This happens to us all the time. Without this kind of plasticity, our brain would soon be filled with unimportant information, making it hard to concentrate on relevant matters.

Your goal is to get over the emotional pain, hence to decrease the strength of the neuronal networks related to negative memories. When the neuronal network related to painful memories starts to lose its strength, the intensity of your emotional pain decreases. How can such decrease in the strength of the network be achieved?

You can influence the reorganization of the neuronal networks in your brain by doing mental exercises, in similar fashion as you can help your muscles to restore their functionality after experiencing a paralysis or other kind of trauma. Lumosity brain training program is a good option for people who wish to improve the overall performance of their brain and help their brain to form new neuronal connections. To find out more about the Lumosity brain training program, please continue reading. To try Lumosity program, click the link below. 

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CLICK TO TEST LUMOSITY BRAIN TRAINING PROGRAM - 14 DAY FREE TRIAL

 

Training the brain helps to overcome depression

Latest research results suggest that depression is caused by changes in the structure of the neuronal networks in the brain. These changes occur as the result of changes in the concentration of certain neurotransmitters that are participating in the regulation of mood, such as serotonin and dopamine. This view of the development of depression alters from previous views in a profound way. Previously is has been assumed that depression is mainly caused by alterations in the concentration of certain neurotransmitters and that if the biochemical balance of the brain is restored, the depression will subside. Antidepressants are helping the brain to restore the normal biochemical balance.

According to this new view of the basis of depression, the beneficial effect of antidepressants is indirect. Antidepressants increase the concentration of neurotransmitters that have positive effect on mood. Once the level of these neurotransmitters has returned back to normal level, structural changes occur in the neuronal network. "Structural changes" refers to the reorganization of neuronal networks. According to present views, depression subsides as the result of this reorganization. This information can be used to help our brain to recover faster after experiencing sadness and stress due to problems in the relationship.

If you are feeling depressed due to problems related to your relationship, these latest research results can be very beneficial for you: You can speed up the recovery of your brain with your own actions. If you sit home doing nothing, or even worse, if you try to tackle your grief by drinking alcohol, you can be sure that the recovery takes long time. From the point of view of the brain, alcohol is a depressant. If you are feeling depressed, the worst thing you can do is to consume excessive amount of alcohol.

Helping your brain to heal

Let us now discuss how exactly you can help your brain to heal faster. There are many things you can do. This article is introducing new methods that can be used to influence brain functions. These methods are based on scientific studies conducted in the laboratories around the world during last several decades.

During last decade, Lumos Labs has created the leading platform for games that improve brain performance. Their team of scientists has developed a method that improves the performance of the brain by using simple, enjoyable and effective scientifically tested exercises. These brain training games are designed to improve the performance of the brain in several key areas, such as memory and attention.

Carefully chosen simple games help your brain to form new neuronal connections. The formation of new neuronal connections is the basis of all learning. The brain of a child or a teenager is constantly forming new neuronal connections as new skills are being learned and refined. As we grow older, the formation of new connections often decreases since we no longer challenge our brain as we used to do when we were younger. The brain training games designed by Lumos Labs are helping the brain to renew itself.

Improving the performance of your brain helps you to overcome depression, stress and anxiety faster. You notice the difference after only couple training sessions. Today the brain training games of Lumos Labs are used by millions of people around the world.

Lumosity brain training games - Science in action

Lumosity brain training games are used by all sorts of people. Students use them to help develop their concentration skills. Elderly people use them to slow down and prevent the deterioration of the brain and mental functions. Brain training games are beneficial for anyone who wishes to improve the performance of his or her brain.

If you start to take care of your brain now, you end up living a healthier and happier life. It has been shown that Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease etc deteriorating conditions are more common in people who are not using their brain. You do not have be one of these people.

The Lumosity brain training games are currently on tons of platforms (including Facebook, iPhone, and Palm Pre) and Lumosity brain training website has over 10 million members around the world. These brain training games have been scientifically proven to:

  • Improve memory
  • Decrease stress
  • Increase the ability to concentrate
  • Improve focus and speed
  • Improve problem solving
  • Improve general health

Make it a priority to take good care of your brain

It is just as important to take care of your brain as it is to take care of the rest of your body. Lack of exercise is known to increase the risk to develop symptoms of depression and increase the level of stress and anxiety. If you feel depressed and you have no energy to do physical exercise, you can start your recovery process by concentrating on the well-being of your brain. Once the performance of your brain starts to improve your general mood starts to improve as well.

The improvement of the mood is the result of the increase in the concentration of mood altering neurotransmitters in the brain. When you are training your brain on regular basis, the increase in the concentration of the essential neurotransmitters will eventually lead to structural changes as the new neuronal connections develop. The development of these new neuronal connections improve the performance of your brain and decrease the level of your stress and anxiety.

A sad person has no energy to take good care of himself or herself. Once your stress level decreases and your level of happiness increases, you will have more energy to take better care of yourself in general. All these factors contribute to your recovery.

How to get started

You can begin the recovery process by starting to improve your brain today. All you need is your computer. No special software or other equipments are required. You do not need any additional skills. If you are able to browse this web page, you are able to play the brain training games created by Lumos Lab. You do not need to play for hours on daily basis. All you need to do is to dedicate 5 minutes here and there during the day to enter Lumosity website and play some of the games. You will see that the games are both fun and interesting. Before you know it, you start to look forward to the gaming sessions and you start to feel more energetic.

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CLICK TO TEST LUMOSITY BRAIN TRAINING PROGRAM - 14 DAY FREE TRIAL

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Comments (62)
  • Courtney  - Narcissistic Husband
    I am 32 and married to a very narcissistic person. He refuses to support me and our 2 kids. Everything is only about him. When he gets any kind of money he only wants to spend it on himself but yet my money is his. I only make a little bit of money a month and yet I am the one that supports the children when he has a fulltime job as a truck driver. If I have a problem or I am stressed he will cut me off mid sentence to talk about his own problems. He never shows any interest in my feelings or anything that I like. When I try to tell him how I feel he has no interest in what I have to say and will revert back to his own feelings. He is very controlling and insecure. He loves to look at himself in the mirror but also he envies what other people have. As long as he looks good, he could care less about trying to make me feel good. We are married and I support the children, I have no money left to take care of myself and he wont help me but then he turns around and criticizes me if he doesnt like my outfit or hair. My family cannot stand him and everyone tells me that I am not the same smiling and happy person that I used to be. I really want to leave him but we have been together for 13 years. He is currently in recovery for alcohol and drug addiction that he has struggled with for 10 years. I stood by his side trying to help him get over his addiction. I worked and supported him for 10 years emotionally and financially. I feel as though I have wasted all my time and energy, but I just dont know how to leave. I am so depressed and wish I could just run away.
  • pauley Z  - Narcissistic wife
    I have been married to my nacrcissistic wife for almost 25 years. I always thought she was self-centered, but ignored the rages and acted as a doormat catering to her every "passion". We have five kids ranging in age from 5 to 23 - my oldest is in graduate school. We agreed that she she should be a stay-at-home mom while the kids were young - but we kept having kids, so she hasn't worked in 25 years. Recently she fell "in-love" with a guy who works at a local furniture store. The affair has been on-going for a year. Her lover is now in the process of getting divorced for her and we started counseling. The counselor told her don't come back until you end the "third party relationship". She is hesitant because that affair gave her a tremendous narcissistc rush (euphoria) that lasted for months. The counselor said that the affair would not work long-term because he is a married man with 3 kids and she is married with five kids. She does not want to give it up and it threatens to destroy the lives of both families,
  • Ms. Dont knoe what to do  - Its burning my brain
    So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We gave a 6 month old lil girl. His 1st child's mom hacked his email and fb and sent me messages he had had with other women. 2 claiming how he had sex with them. I have been distraught ever since. This was Easter Sunday. I was having a wonderful day. As I got the messages his son's mom is telling me I Fucking stupid and dumb as fuck. Says I tried to trap him with a baby and he's gonna leave me just like he did his other son's mom. I dunno what to do. I've asked that he request counseling for us. I've have some hormone problems for a while. I lost 2 unexpected babies before our daughter and my hormones I've been messed up for years. He claims it was him looking for the things he couldn't get from me he just went about it the wrong way. I have said we can try and make it pastthis but I don't know where to start.
  • Jennifer  - Please try to help.
    I have been with my bf now for a year, a few months in I found out that he had msged other women. when we first started dating I went away for the weekend and came home and found a hair elastic on our bedroom floor. about a month after that I found out he had a women come to the house that night. he says she got there and he felt like shit so he sent her home in a cab. but it does not add up. he has msg other women aswell all in the first 4 months of us being together. I found it out after by looking through his fb. he never told me the truth about any of it. he says he will never do it again and I sort of believe him, I am to move across the country with him in a few months. But need to know, is there anyone out there who has gotten over being betrayed?? and how do i do it? Please help
  • gtl1217  - RE: Please try to help
    Please keep your eyes open, WIDE open! Unfortunately moving across the country with him will only isolate you from your friends and family, and he won't change. I've lived this same life for the past 2 years, and even moved out of the country with my fiancee, only to find out he was still married. Cheating.....he has always done it whether it's texting, FB, and or now as we are separated, he is on a dating site. They lies only get more frequent.
    I hope you can be strong and stay home and not move with him. He doesn't deserve you, you deserve to be treated like a princess!
    He isn't going to change, and I hope you can understand that, and not think.....my boyfriend is different, as he isn't .

    Good luck, and God bless you!
  • Jessica Boies  - Getting over
    Getting over it
  • matt  - Thank you
    After reading this article I now know I'm not the only crazy one. My girlfriend now for 6 years cheated on me and told me about it a week after it happened, this was almost 2 years ago and I was planning to "pop the question" soon. This article was correct in every way so for through my path of this miserable situation and I am now feeling depressed on a daily basis and am losing a lot of sleep over this. This was helpful, but I still need to try to make this work in my own way and want to try and forget this awful thing that happened. Im miserable and want to be happy and have a strong relationship again...
  • kelsey  - three months
    Hi I am a 23 year old woman and I started dating my boyfriend in the middle of december 2011. His previous relationship ended because he moved across the country and she cheated on him. A few months later as they were talking again and trying to sort things out she tragically got struck by a car and passed away. He had not dated or even had sex with anyone in 2 years since the accident. He went back for her funeral and took care of her family for a month after the accident, even wrote the eulogy and read her mom and sisters speeches. He chose me to start dating 2 years after and I felt honoured. I felt like i finally found a real man who would never hurt me. I found myself trusting him instantly. Our chemistry was instantaneous and electrifying and I honestly felt it was love at first sight. Before I had met him I had made plans to attend school in a different city 3 hours away. Less than a month into dating I moved but before I did he told me he wanted to make it work between us and he'd make it work because he had never met anyone like me in his life. He had never cheated on anyone in his life until he did with me 2 weeks ago.
    While being away at school he came to visit me multiple times, talked on the phone every night and texted throughout the day, I came home for a week and was with him and his friends, and he came out with me and mine. He met my family and even asked me how id like to be proposed to in the future. He told me he was in love with me and even mentioned moving to my city because the distance sucked.

    Before I came into the picture he had feelings for a girl he worked with. Nothing ever happened between them because she was living with her boyfriend and having a sexual relationship with someone else at work too. What I recently found out was, that he had unresolved feelings for her because he never got to have her when he wanted her, and then started to date me. They remained just "friends" but had sex in his bed, sober, 2 weeks ago. He had what I would call an emotional relationship with her because he continued to talk to her throughout our whole relationship ( 3 months… like come on?) To me, I believe if you love someone you don't betray their trust in that way. I don't understand the mentality of a cheater because I have never done it. He told me he was scared to love someone as much as he does me because he has only ever felt the feelings for me once in his life and then lost her. To some degree I understand this but it is still no excuse.
    He came here to beg for me back and bawled about how he " wasn't even a man" and can't believe he could do this to me… I am just confused. I want to believe him and forgive him but I am sooo sooo hurt because I thought his feelings for me were on the same page as mine. He says he realizes more than ever that he loves me and as sad as it is , that it took losing me to realize what he had. He told me he will never talk to her again and realizes that they weren't "just friends". His excuse for doing it was that he was curious from before when he didn't get with her when he wanted her. He assures me that it was purely physical and his curiosity is gone.. its so unfair. I have never had to deal with something like this because everytime i was cheated on it was in a relationship where my feelings weren't so strong.
    Please Help
    -K
  • ranjit  - how to control emotions
    i m in a relationship with a girl and she is very practical and i m not.recently she is not giving me time and if i ask she says everything is fine.i want concentrate on my studies but these emotions don't allow me concentrate what to do ????
  • Adam  - wife cheated with another guy when husband does ev
    MY name is Adam I'm from Mississippi born in the country raised to work hard all my life raised in church college degree and married to my wife for eleven months. I work six days a week and pull twelve to sixteen hours a day. My wife and I have been together for nearly four years. AS we were dating everything was great the bonding the love the intimacy the sex. THen about a week before marriage she started to doubt. I encouraged her that we were meant for each other and we went through with it and things were okay. But soon I began to notice little changes. SHe wouldn't be AS open she would talk to other guys she would lock her phone she wouldn't ac.cept my compliments or believe when I told her she looked good. And the sex slowly became less and less. I felt like I was never able to satisfy her because she never came and always acted like she was ready to get it over with. NAturaly my reaction was to think she was cheating. I blew up on her and then broke down. We went on our first vacation to the mountains in October my favorite place. SHe told me she wanted to try a trial separation after it so I was miserable the whole time. ALso she told me she had been talking with another guy. After vacation she texted me and told me she was sorry for what she did and she would be mine. Well things seemed okay for a few more months until we were at the hospital because I got hurt at work and she told me she had her bags packed and she wanted to try a trial separation. SHe never left but I gave her three weeks to decide. This started on Thursday two weeks ago. SHe left me at home when she went out and left me at home in pain. I didn't know where she was. Then Friday she told me she wanted the separation and told me she was going to see some guy. SHe came back that night and said all he did was kiss her goodbye. SAturday we all went out with some of her cousins and we had a blast but she was always on her phone texting. SUNday I asked her to come to church with me cause they were having cake after. SHe said no she had plans. I came home alone that night and got texts from her about how she wanted to kill herself. SHe told me she made out with him. THen Wednesday the day after Valentine's we went out to eat and I took her shopping. WE got home and she said she was getting ready to leave. I knew she was going to see him but I let her go so she could work things out. I went and worked out came home and ate supper. I didn't hear from her for five hours. I cried I wept I couldn't sleep. I screamed out to GOd prayed and was in pain. Finally she came home. I asked what they did. SHe said you will hate me. SHe said that things got away from her and before she knew it her pants were off and he was inside her. SHE told him to stop andthey did. SHe asked me what I wanted her to do I said I've been in this situation before.and I forgave her. I asked her the next day what he did to make her do that and she said he just sat with her and watched tv with no pressure and cooked her dinner and it went from there. This Friday she told me that she loved me and wanted me but nothing about her attitude has really changed. ANd she still says she isn't sure or doesn't feel 100 percent. I do everything for her I clean up the house try to take care of myself and tell her I love her everyday. I Don't know what else to do to make her know and to be happy with me. I literally can't eat or sleep. And I Don't know what to do. I deeply love her I wouldn.t have married her if I didn't I just don't know what to do. HElp me please.
  • Erin Dutch  - It is
    It is because you go to church. In church they teach you how to do things like that like accept suffering and also being a loser. If you did not go to church at all and started using more your brain then you would become smarter. I am so sorry for what you went through. Lucifer is the true angel of light through which all brilliant shines, and only through realizing this can you change your life. Lucifer only wants excellence, and god-schmod who cares about him. That's why you are a loser. Also because you I've in Mississippi, that is a dumbness place. Get out and move somewhere that smart people live and are not losers like there.
  • Been there
    You are in a difficult situation. You are trying to do the right thing. Your wife is unhappy and confused and seeking happiness with someone else. But she will not find it, because happiness lies within yourself. If this guy was a prince charming, he would not sleep with a married woman. And if he cheats with her, he will cheat on her. But she has the best of both worlds with you taking care of her while she 'explores' happiness at your expense. You have the responsibility to take care of yourself. Let her be 'an adult' and be an adult yourself. If she loves you, she will only realize it if you are gone and she has a true relationship with this man, who she only knows through the glossy pink glasses and who has not provided for her, not lived through bad days, not been there for her in bad times. You are a good person and you have something to offer. Maybe she does not want it (because the grass is greener elsewhere), but someone else will. Give yourself and her a chance. If she truly loves you, she will return.
  • JC
    Don't listen to those undermining your faith. It is who you are and lean on it for support. I am no expert, but I know how it feels to love when you aren't loved the same way in return. It sounds like you are an amazing man who made a committment, 'for better or for worse' and you want to stick by it. Marriage is a sacred committment between two people and I understand the want to try and fix it because of that promise you made. Ask yourself this, "Have you tried everything you can do to save this marriage?" it seems you have. But a marriage takes two working together, it can't be just you. So if she wants to try and give 100% to your marriage, forgiveness and happiness is possible. But if it just you trying, you are fighting a losing battle. Even sometimes loving someone isn't enough- they have to love you back!!! Good luck and you deserve happines, you are worth it!!!
  • Lia  - yeap...
    live and learn... if she forgives you than great... the only comment i have is that you shouldn't have listened to the "friends" for all you know that was an adventurous time in her life and then she met you and finally wanted to settle down and be serious.... at this point all you can do is be understanding of her anger and be supportive...and above all, honest, tell her everything you said here - even about the friends... one of the biggest keys in relationships is being 100% honest, even about your failings.... and if she can't pull through it, dont force her... i was in a situation that sounds almost exactly like yours (only involved more cheating than that from him) and sometimes i wish he would just do me the favor and leave me so i wont have to hurt anymore : /
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