I have the luxury of sitting in church every Sunday and see my ex with his new girlfriend (which took no time at all for him to get). I know his "public display of affection" is for my benefit...see I can still get someone...you can't. Na na na booboo! I want to scream at her...oh, be so careful. He is a charmer at first! He can charm the socks off of anyone with his money (which he pretends to have) his sense of humor (which become sarcastic and mean) and his sweet adoration he pours on you, but IT ALL STOPS! Do I warn her? Or do I let her figure it out on her own like I had to. All I know is, IF (and that is a BIG IF) I ever get involved with somone again, it will be a requirement that I MUST talk to the ex wife or girlfriend. We, ladies, need to stick together!!!!!

Dear Maria,
i would like to share my experience of my relationship with this boy i had from the past 4 yrs. I met him when in junior yr of my graduation and we instantly clicked. At that point I was in a relation with another boy which was not that good when I met my new man varad he seemed like my knight in shining armor. I ended my relation with my earlier boyfriend and this new man and me instantly started dating. He was kind loving and understanding. Personality wise he looks like that chocolate boy who can cause no harm to anybody. And that’s what I thot too. Everything was smooth for a year. We hardly fought he gave into my demands and tantrums. My personality is loud outgoing and generally happy person and so everyone round us used to assume that I am the dominating one in the relation. Initially I noticed that he would never really open up about his feeling good or bad. I’m not talking about that honeymoon period of my relation he would express love and miss you babying me etc. I’m talking about the hardcore conversations you’d expect to have with my partner. I am generally a more matured person I can say. Anyway everything was smooth for a year and half and then suddenly we had a big fight and I told him we need a break , he just did not agree cried and begged me to get back and said wont be able to live without me . Things got normal as I also realized that it was a small fight and a break or a break was not needed. Soon he got into the college fashion show team and then there he met new friends girls/guys etc and I noticed that he started ignoring me and not including me in his new life. I was shocked by this behavior as I knew him to never behave in such a way and he cried and even touched my feet in the past over small fights. So it came as a shock that how could he ignore when he couldn’t stay a single day without meeting me or talking to me. Anyway I managed to convince him ad he got me into his circle and things were kind of smooth again. But still noticed some steaks of weirdness as in he would lie to me on the most trivial of issues so small like going out wit a guy friend for coffee in the middle of the night. Saying if he told me I would fight and get angry. I ignored it as this happens in most young relationships. Soon I started to find out about smaller lies that he d tell me. I d ignore them as they did not matter to have fights on. All this while he would meet me hang out we d go out with friends and also showed affection alone as well as front of other people so I assumed that nothing was wrong and this was just his nature as quite person who doesn’t really like to open up and express himself. So I never forced him to tell me how he actually felt. I also noticed that he made me meet his mum twice in the beginning of that relation and then slowly never used to talk about any happy or sad instances among him and his family to me. Like for example his mum was gonna purchase a “BMW” car and he did not tell about this till day that car arrived. Later when he drove it said even I dint know about it. I found out day before and I g=forgot to tell about it. 2 and a half years past like this we dated and he good and cold behavior was a on off thing which I assumed he did just to make me care more and even I played hot and cold at times he’d not bother that much about my behavior but things got normal soon after a fight. At the end of the 3rd year he started spending more time apart from me and more time with his “guy friends” in 2009 towards oct/nov/dec I noticed him avoiding me much not directly but indirectly continuing to make me believe nothing was wrong whenever I asked him why he’s doing that. We went for a small holiday in the month of dec he behaved distant from me on that trip which I noticed and confronted and he said that nothing was wrong and we would talk about it once that holiday is over and since we re come out we shouldn’t spoil our time together as we have planned for this and this time wont come back. After we went back he broke all communication with me for 15 days straight even I dint call him considering I would give him space and he d realize and come back. He dint he started dating another girl without closing anything between us and told everyone that we haven’t spoken in 15 days hence the relation is over. Mind you that chick was flirting with his best friend for 10 days and randomly stopped talking to him and hooked up with my boyfriend and shamelessly starting dating her this his best friend went in a trauma. I tried convincing him for a week but left it and agreed to move on as he was dating a girl who everyone knew was a shrewd person and would leave him sooner or later and that what happened. In 1 month she dumped him and got back to her ex. And then he comes crying to me and wanting me back saying that he was mad to let me go and something had come over him and would not ever do it again. After much thought I took him back. my friends were totally against. That was last year in may. Things were smooth again he was nice and everything we d have small fights over him not giving me time due to his poker addiction. He’d be out playing poker all night. I d fight but my friend said least he’s not cheating on you so you should let it go. Give him the boy space that he requires. I let it go thinking its okay its just poker and I should be a nagging girlfriend. Bitter sweet was our relation, on n off I would notice him snapping at things but aging I dint think anything major of this. Once instance there was this friend who knew him and me both we had problems cause of her as she used manipulate both of us. He still gave her more importance and continued being friends with her despite her disrespecting me. His behavior was the same hot and cold, like if I dint call him for a week even he wouldn’t. if I called then everything had to be normal. If I fought on the fact that he dint call me he would say that even I hadn’t so I shouldn’t fight and what’s that harm if he dint call and I did??? Then one day I found out he was flirting with this common friend, I contacted her and she agreed to forward me that chat I took a print out and showed him, and towards the end I was the one saying sorry despite it being his fault?? I was confused as too why this happed.. this was one of the major arguments but earlier too even if it was his fault id notice I end up saying sorry by the end of the convo it was my fault. In one fight he told me I’m mad and I need doctor because I doubt him and all. Anyway I was very hurt but; I let it go again. I moved back to my hometown as I was done with my studies (I was living in another city to complete my graduation) he said he’s moving too ad long distance wouldn’t work out. I was happy and assumed he’s doing it out of love. But 2 weeks into his course he d snap at small things wouldn’t let me touch his phone said even he had a personal life. Make plans with his guy friends and say that he cant take me out cause there were all guys and it would look awkward. Once he called me and I dint pick up as I was tired and sleeping at home and he abused me when I did take his call he was like I’m a slut and abused me saying I know you must be sleeping a around with someone right now. I said nothing next day he was normal. Then suddenly he said that he can be with me as he’s not sure about that future together as his family may not allow us to get married and it was no point spoiling my life. I begged him to consider when he dint I left it and started moving on doing my own thing. Then he himself started slowly getting in touch with me and contacting and meeting me again. I thought that things were getting back to normal and then we did all the normal things couple did went on weekend trips spent time together watched movies etc hell we even had sex and trust me he initiated it in bed. . now few days back he went to his hometown for holidays and we did not generally talk for ten days. I found out day before that he was kissing another girl in a party and my friends told me bout it. When few of my friends confronted him he said I don’t love Rachel and the relation was almost over from my side. I haven’t contacted or confronted him since its been 4 days. When I tell my friends he has abused and pushed me around they we can’t believe it that he can say or do something like this he comes across as a very calm and silent pleasant personality. Please tell me if he is narcissist or no I’m confused and shocked as to what just happened to my 4 yr old relationship.

I am in a horrible narcissist marriage of 8 years. This man cheats on me calls me names, and when we argue can only say if you dont like it leave. Its my house. I pay 90% of the bills, and still I get treated like a dog. He cheats on games on the iphone right in front of my face. I ask him to stop texting talking to girls and what not, and he continues almost as if its all a big joke to him. He is a sick psychopath, and I wish him everyday to have a horrible fate.

When we met he was just about to become homeless, lost his job and was financially broke, had been injured so there were medical issues etc. To save him from homelessness I took him into my home, waited on him hand and foot, helped him with his past bills and so on. Although I suspected, because of his behavior/patterns, that he had been a liar and a cheater I felt he could get better with love and consistency. It was tough, always the little hints of a simmering rage and undertones of what were to become mental abuse directed at me. So many lies, as though it was all that came out of his mouth. I often asked him during that first year, while looking straight into his eyes, if he had someone else. He always answered "no" and said that I was imagining things... yadda, yadda. In a round about way I found that he had been spending lunch hours sitting with this woman that I discovered he had been infautated with. Of course he lied about it. It wasn't just an innocent lunch. He was having fantasies about her. I won't go into details. Pretty strange stuff. All the usual bullshit that psychopaths and/or narcissists do. The shallowness was shocking to me. Yet all the while he insisted that he "loved" me and that I shouldn't be jealous because he "loved only me". I got a program and put it on my computer that saved all the typed words, listed the sites visited etc. While I was working he was on my computer cheati9ng on me. It's been 3 years and somehow we're still together. I guess after my 24 year marriage, then being alone for 3 years I was happy to have companionship. It was also a good thing to have someone pay part of the bills. So it was a partnership that worked on the basic needs level. I compare what I'm dealing with now to how it would be if I were living alone again. I was so afraid when I was alone. In my 3rd year of being alone I was raped and held up against a door with a large knife by a mentally ill man who I had to take to court to get protection from. Prior to that, I was abused by the maintanance man at my apartment building who would stand under my window and listen in to my phone calls, and although he was married he would come to my door to pressure me to give him hugs. He threatened me with a sort of spear thing he had made to pick up trash with. He had slammed it down very very close to my foot which scared me to death. In my first year of living alone I was at a different apartment building on the other side of the state and the maintanance guy there was in the laundry room and asked me if I minded him touching my laundry. So you see the situation I'm in now is to a degree a lot safer than if I lived alone. It's so tough for a woman to live alone. But, I agonize everyday over how he mentally abuses me. I long for a day when I will be able to smile again.

Dear Chanele,

You are warmly welcome to the website. The "comment" sections after each article are mainly dedicated for interaction between the visitors of the website. If you would like to receive my feedback the best way is to send me your story via email (to searchforbalancemail@gmail.com). Due to large amount of emails I am receiving every week it may sometimes take a while before I can reply, but I will do my best to respond to everyone as fast as I can. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Hugs,
Maria

I am new to this website and find the navigation a little confusing as there are so many different links and areas to post. Also I have noticed that many posts have gone unanswered. Is there a system or a procedure to ensure that your posts are answered?

Do you ever ask yourself Why do I stay ? Is it the instinct to help someone ? Is it that tiny portion of a soul inside of this person that only you think you see ? Do you think no one else will ever love you like this person does ?
Is it because you think only this person truly understands me ? Did you make a promise to this person ?

i hd been with a narcissist for five years. he had hurt me so much. i still have night sweats.. i am scARED OF TRUSTING ANYONE..

Call this 24 hour Crisis Line 918-743-5763 Domestic Violence Intervention Service... they can help you!!

he has every sigle no matter how small or huge the sign he has every one of them, it is horrible, meantal, verbal abuse, belittleing EVERYDAY before work, hatefulness, rudeness, horrible degrading name calling everyday, strange sexual behavior, inclucding kicking me while in bed and saying something to me, his wife that the devil himself would not say, mocking me, laughing at me, threating me, threatens me with acts he may do such as cheat, or harm me such as break my legs break my jaw, he has all the control over every penny, makes me go without and he doesnt have one feeling about any of it, turns things around to make it all my fault.he has me stuck like chuck and I KNOW he is an abuser and I KNOW I am an abused woman and dont know how to get out of here and start a new life, a happy peaveful life, a life with no eggshells, pins or needles...Harleybrat